tonight is The Golden Globes, but more importantly, it's the day after the anniversary of the insurrection
i hope it wins in all of its categories tonight!!! fingies cwossed
Happy New Year! I’m kidding it’s been a whole week we don’t have to say it anymore. The first week of 2024 has finally ended, and by finally, I mean what in the hell how is it 2024 right now¿?¿? Whomst and whose stan army allowed this? Whose fan club is in charge of the sudden year of 2024? My money is on Taylor Nation or clubchalamet. If you don’t know these fan clubs, you do not need to look them up. Actually, one of the Taylor Swift update fan accounts is the one that I love because the girl who ran the group had disappeared from Twitter for a while and no one knew why. Then she showed up again and apologized for the hiatus, as she was in jail for refusing to join the IDF. She probably wouldn’t love to hear that her girl is currently showing and selling her movie in Israel, now would she? I’m sure that account is not at fault for it being 2024; she would never do anything to hurt us.
There’s something about the year 2024. It has that certain … how do you put it … jenny say kwa, ya know? Is has that sort of … blah blah blah, ya know? Sorry about the new language, everyone; being bilingual is a gift, not a privilege. What I’m trying to say is, the year 2024 sounds fake as hell. That is not a real year! Since when! What are we doing here in a year that has eleventeen syllables1 and doesn’t sound like it could work on a pair of those glasses you get for New Year’s Eve but somehow will be made and also will look good? Other than the 200 five-year-olds who read Circle Back, we have all been alive during this entire century. A quarter of the century is going to leave as quickly as it arrives, and That Doesn’t Sound Real. We can’t allow things like this to continue. If we do, what will come of everything? What will happen to the world? Or worse, to the calendar industry? It’s gone. You’ll never see it again. If I was the President, I would get rid of years, which is exactly why women should not be President. Sorry typo I meant it’s exactly why I shouldn’t be President. I don’t know how I messed that up.
Now, for the moment you’ve been waiting for … AWARDS SEASON: Circle Back edition.
https://x.com/itsandrewfrye/status/1744113947882479652?s=20
The start of the season has begun with tonight’s Golden Girls, also known as The Golden Globes. Here are the main categories and the movies and actors that I want to win:
Best Motion Picture, Drama
“Past Lives”
Best Picture, Musical or Comedy
“Poor Things”
Best Director, Motion Picture
Celine Song — “Past Lives”
Best Screenplay, Motion Picture
“Poor Things” — Tony McNamara
Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture, Drama
Cillian Murphy — “Oppenheimer”
Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture, Drama
Lily Gladstone — “Killers of the Flower Moon”
Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture, Musical or Comedy
Emma Stone – “Poor Things”
Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture, Musical or Comedy
Paul Giamatti — “The Holdovers”
Best Supporting Actor – Motion Picture
Charles Melton — “May December”
Best Supporting Actress, Motion Picture
Da’Vine Joy Randolph — “The Holdovers”
I’m not gonna do the TV shows because that is putting you all through too much. I even almost put down every single nominee in these categories and then deleted them because what the hell Kerry what’s wrong with you
Okay, I’m watching the Golden Globes right now, and the monologue was so bad that I don’t need to wait until the show is over to post this week’s newsletter. Here are my thoughts:
the new category for stand-up comedians made it so that Cillian Murphy had to see a clip of Amy Schumer, and I never wanted that for him
Emma Stone won, as she should
Da’Vine Joy Randolph won, as she should
Robert Downey Jr. won, as he shouldn’t because Charles Melton should’ve
Brenda Song’s brother-in-law won, as he should
someone needs to check on Kevin Costner
Ali Wong and Bill Hader
this photo
Will Smith should’ve hosted
there shouldn’t have been a header in The New York Times article I read about where to watch The Golden Globes that said, “Will Taylor Swift be attending?” like who is asking that question
I don’t know if Past Lives is gonna win anything tonight, but it should and if it doesn’t I have to go
where is Timothée Chalamet’s and Kylie Jenner’s chaperone
guys I couldn’t even finish watching the show wasn’t good enough I got bored
This doesn’t mean I’m not gonna talk about The Oscars when that happens. This is my time of the year, and you all have to accept that. It only happens once a year — just like Tax Day. It’s the exact same thing, and both are mandatory.
I haven’t seen all of the movies that have been nominated tonight or for the next award show, but I’m more than halfway there! I expect you all to do the same. I can’t be the one to give you all of the information about this stuff, even though I do constantly feel that it is my responsibility to do this for all of my little readers. My tiny little readers who are so so small and tiny and need me to tell them about the highs and lows of awards season, which is just as special as the highs and lows of high school football. Ugh, is there anything better in life than high school football? It’s the best time of our lives.
Okay, I’ve gotta go. This has gone on far enough this week. I’m just glad Ted Lasso didn’t win anything tonight. Or maybe it did — again, I didn’t finish watching The Golden Girls … The Golden Globes.
movie rec: The Holdovers and Poor Things and Past Lives
tv show rec: Succession — go finish that show, cuties!
book rec: Strip Tees: A Memoir of Millennial Los Angeles by Kate Flannery — this book is F U N
a trash can to purchase: I love my simplehuman trash can. simplehuman: mm, mm, good! (not sponsored)
five syllables