PEACE UP A-TOWN DOWN
taylor swift flew in her jet for 13 minutes and then it hit 60 degrees in new york this weekend
Okay, yeah. Maybe Justin Bieber didn’t feature in Taylor Swift Kelce’s Rihanna Asap Rocky’s Kansas City House of Usher’s Apple Music Super Bowl LVIII Halftime Show. And yeah. Maybe he was in Las Vegas at the same time and made us all think that maybe, just maybe, he’d be in Usher’s Apple Music Super Bowl LVIII Halftime Show. But hey. The work that Usher put into dancin Real Good and lookin Real Good at the same time with his sparkly little crop top and sparkly Michael Jackson glove and rollerblades and gorgeous little voice made up for the disappointment I could’ve felt missing that potential cameo. It’s something I will very quickly be able to move on from.
I have to admit something …
Please. No judgment. I beg.
I am trying so hard to pay attention to this football game. The words coming out of the commentators’ mouths are not English to me. I’m focusing on them. And it’s not even like the words are going in one ear and out the other; they’re just hitting me in the face and bouncing onto the floor. The only word I can remember catching is the word “intensity” because they said it eleventy-seven times. I also remember one of them in the pre-game saying, “I mean, there’s only one football. It’s kind of like basketball, where there’s only one ball. It’s the same here.” What in the hell are they talking about? Do they even know what they’re talking about?
Okay, so, I wrote that paragraph literally four minutes before the end of the fourth quarter, and now I am completely invested. I retract all my prior statements. Honestly, the intensity on this field is so hard to take your eyes off of. Quite the sport!
I will say that there were so many quotes during this game that are absolutely going to become memes after. Coach Andy Reid saying “HOW BOUT THAT D BABY?” I mean, think before you speak, PLEASE; Gen-Z is watching. America. Is. Watching.
At the same time, we cannot be doing these Taylor jokes anymore. You don’t understand what kind of people you’re adding to “the bit” community. People who we do not want to be involved are joining the discourse.
We do not need her, folks. Sometimes, exclusivity is key. And sometimes, I’d rather the former Secretary of State tweet about how Israel was carpet bombing Palestinian civilians in Rafah while we were watching the Super Bowl! Is that so much to ask? Does no one know what their jobs are? Leave the bits to me, Hillary.
I’ve never been someone who watched football, and for most of my childhood, that was not my choice. My mom is a h u g e Chicago Bears fan. Huge. And when it was Sunday sometimes Monday sometimes Thursday honestly could be any day of the week, she had dibs on the TV. And if I walked into the room, and while I was in the room, the other team got a goal or the Bears fumbled or WHATEVER, that was my fault. I know; it makes perfect sense. The other team did not score a goal when I wasn’t in the room and then they did once I was. It was an instant hand from my mom pointing at me to GET OUT whenever that happened. I was at fault for the Bears losing many, many times. And it’s something I’m still processing to this day. I let the Chicago Bears down. I let the entire city of Chicago down. I let Michele with one L down.
But here’s what we know about the sport of football:
there is one football
sometimes, though, we see a second football — sometimes a third — on the sidelines with one of the quarterbacks. this confuses me because earlier, as I mentioned before, one of the commentators said that football has one ball just like how basketball has one ball.
if the team my mom doesn’t like scores a touchdown or intercepts or does anything to spite the team she does like, that is something I did.
if you sing Viva Las Vegas into the mic after winning the Super Bowl, we’re going to watch your girlfriend get the ick in real-time
“boots with the fur” does not mean that the fur had boots — my apologies to T-Pain
I am proud to announce that I still do not know what TEMU is, even though they spent maybe $24 million on their several Super Bowl ads.
we all should’ve watched the game on Nickelodeon
Aaaand I think that’s more than enough information about football until the next season, which is in what, like, two weeks? It’s gone on far too long, Circle Back readers. Someone needs to abolish this game.
movie rec: The Zone of Interest (2023) — mark off your Oscar nom list, y’all! and this one’s a doozy1!
music rec: TEXAS HOLD ‘EM - Beyoncé
sport to watch instead of football: Irish dancing
doozy: very dark and sad and tense but artistically beautiful but kind of spooky