if you're still sitting at the kids table during thanksgiving STAY IN LINE
also how many diet cokes has everyone been drinking this year i feel like diet coke is really popping off
CIRCLE BACK READERS I ALMOST FORGOT TO WRITE THIS WEEK’S CIRCLE BACK BECAUSE I’M WORKING REMOTELY TODAY WHICH IS UNUSUAL AND IT TRICKED ME INTO THINKING THAT IT’S NOT SUNDAY BUT IT IS, IN FACT, SUNDAY SO HERE I AM WRITING MY NEWSLETTER EXTREMELY LAST MINUTE so so so so sorry about that everybody this is so embarrassing.
Anyway, how’s everyone’s Cyber Weekend going? Is capitalism popping off this genocidal little holiday season? How was everyone’s Thanksgiving? This Thanksgiving, I was only one seat away from being able to fully make this tweet my personality:
Still at the kids’ table, y’all! And that’s OK. We all grow up at some point, and we all need to be humbled in some capacity. I was getting a little too confident in my maturity and my wisdom, so it’s good that someone put me in my place.
I made a pretty tasty dish for this year’s Thanksgiving that I found on an extremely obscure and underrated website that most likely none of you have ever heard of before most likely. I’ll add the recipe below:
https://cooking.nytimes.com/recipes/1023638-garlicky-mashed-potato-cake
This was theirs:
And this was mine:
I mean … it’s almost uncanny. Who made what? Which one’s from The New York Times? And who here deserves a good job at The New York Times? We will never know the answers to these questions. Except for me I know the answers.
WAIT I have just discovered that I can add a poll to my newsletter! Now we can know the true answer to this question (unless people answer incorrectly then we will not know the true answer).
I wonder what else I can add to a Substack newsletter …
Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? Thou art more baller and more chill. Rough winds do cause me to fall over onto a parked car. And summer's lease is less expensive than my rent.
That’s an original Shakespeare poem — in editing, this looks different from everything else I’ve written, but I actually think the formatting just went back to normal. So no need to comment on this.
Hmm, what else, what else?
u can add code here. pretty cool
Ooo, I can add a voice memo!
We hold these truths to be self-evident: all men and women are created, by the, you know the, you know the thing.
That’s a block quote from Joe Biden forgetting the most famous line of the Declaration of Independence.
Ok well, there’s not much else I’m able to add that I haven’t already seen. But I’m so glad we discovered all of these things together!
One of the best tweets from this year’s Thanksgiving was one by my favorite Twitter account (other than Cher’s Twitter account):
First of all, very cool graphic. Could be an A24 movie poster if they ever wanted to pursue that.
Secondly, PETA needs to hire someone who eats meat so that they can actually learn how to convince people to go vegan.
Thirdly, why is the one turkey pregnant? Is that supposed to add to the storyline? Are they already actually working on a movie produced by A24?
Fourthly and perhaps lastly, they’re posting about humans getting eaten the same weekend Bones and All is released in theatres? Do they not know how to read the room? Cannibalism is in, girlies. Vegan propaganda is OUT.
I want to clarify that I love being vegan — LOVE it, but PETA often makes me want to murder a whole cow and eat it right in front of them. What a dumb little organization. It’s so easy to talk about veganism without being annoying. Take it from me, an annoying vegan.
Just a quick thing that happened: my fridge suddenly turned off and I couldn’t figure out what was going on so I FaceTimed my mom (four times) and she didn’t answer and during that time I figured it out but then she texted me after her meeting and here’s the text exchange:
Don’t forget to keep your parents on their toes. Just because we don’t live with them anymore doesn’t mean they shouldn’t always be thinking about us.
The final thing I will talk to you about in this collaborative conversation we’re having is the app Letterboxd and the film The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause. I love the Letterboxd app, and I also love The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause. But I have come to find out that the Letterboxd app does not feel the same way I do about The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause. Letterboxd is a very fun movie review app for people who like to review however they want for funsies, as well as people who like to review seriously. I am sort of a mix of both, and I only do it for myself. For example, I’ll review Sister Act with five stars and a heart because there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that work of art, but also it’s not one of those movies that need a very serious review. But then I’ll review any Clint Eastwood movie with one star or less because it doesn’t make sense to me that people find his characters to be heroic and hot when he’s just raping women in every story — we’re getting dark there, but it’s true. Or I’ll rate a movie and try to average the rating between how much I enjoyed it and also if I think certain things in it could’ve been done better. YES I KNOW I’M NOT A PRO BUT IT’S FUN TO FEEL LIKE ONE.
The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause has a lot of critical reviews by people — I won’t say what kind of people C*N*DI*NS — because they don’t like the jokes about the elves being Canadians to hide the fact that they’re elves. AND I JUST WANNA SAY this is not a movie that needs a rating or a review. It’s not real and neither is Canada. So let’s all just enjoy some of Martin Short at his career’s best and drink a hot chocolate — I mean, a vegan hot chocolate. Sorry, PETA. Who let PETA out? ← movie quote reference guess the movie:
Alright, everyone! Have a vundabar week! For my deaf readers, the voice memo was of me saying, “So, apparently, you can add a voiceover or something to this, which is pretty cool, and I think I’m gonna … oh, my god. Oh, my god!” And then you can hear a huge car crash happen. All acting, folks! Bye!
movie rec: The Menu (2022)
book rec: Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, but go get it at a used bookstore — Just Kidding Rowling doesn’t need our support!
music rec: Wild Planet by The B52’s
person to send a Black Friday Cyber Weekend gift to: me or Kerry Washington
An all-timer.