here are the most important things i learned at the DNC

and they're exactly what you're thinking

Lots to cover this evening! Here are the highlights:

• my stomach hurts

• I forgot my Hydroflask in Maine :(

  • how else am I supposed to drink water

• I experienced a temperature in New Orleans last week that I have never experienced before

  • not sweating, but glistening

• Kamala Harris accepted the Democratic nomination for prez at the DNC

  • didn’t she already do that

Now that we have those out of the way, here are the most important things I learned at the DNC:

• Maya Rudolph has a long SNL contract ahead of her

  • it would be even longer if TMZ were right about a Beyoncé appearance at the event

    • this is why

      

• AOC is officially a politician, and the way she speaks in her speeches proves this

• Democrats in support of a ceasefire in Gaza really don’t know how to state that without mentioning the hostages — or they refuse to

  • these can be separate things, you guys!! don’t be afraid!! mention the genocide without mentioning the hostages I know you can do it!! if I can, so can you!! live laugh love

  • I will continue this in a later paragraph

• it was past Nancy Pelosi’s bedtime

• Kamala’s mom’s name is Shyamala Harris same pronunciation do not let Donald Trump know

  • her sister’s name is Maya … seems like an opportunity missed

• we all fall on the Emhoff Scale™ — as in the Ella Emhoff Scale of Fashion

  • this will be continued in a later paragraph

• Michelle Obama is the best speaker in the Democratic Party

  • Barack Obama is a close third because I am a close second since I am technically in the Democratic Party

    • if you disagree with me, then you’ve never heard me tell the story of how I pulled the fire alarm in fifth grade

• The Free Palestine protest was very peaceful just so everyone knows

Okay, let’s get into it.

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I’m gonna start with the least important thing I learned from the DNC (because the most important thing I learned was the Emhoff Scale™ and I stand by that).

The Democratic Party is never going to separate talking about the ceasefire from talking about freeing the hostages. They’re never gonna do it. Every speech either has those points with the same conjunctions, or it’s one sentence after the other. Usually, it’s “we need a ceasefire” followed by “the hostages must be freed, and we will always support Israel in its right to defend itself.” That’s what Kamala Harris said in her speech to close out the DNC. There can only be so many reasons as to why this always happens: the first is that she wants to appeal to both sides of the genocide oops I mean both sides of this situation. She wants to let everyone know that both things are bad and need to be dealt with. I disagree with this, but that’s not the point.

Another reason is that she wants to appeal to the people who are peacefully protesting the genocide, even though she is still going to provide weapons to Israel whilst she says this.

The third reason kind of goes with the first, and it’s the one I would hope for: she wants to let her party know that when she’s President, she will put more effort into actually forcing a permanent ceasefire. I don’t think this is the case, but it’s the optimistic one.

I believe that the biggest argument right now between two types of people is between liberals and progressives, not liberals and conservatives. Liberals and progressives can’t figure out how to be in the same Party together — and I know that most progressives don’t want to be in that party, anyway; unfortunately, this country continues to follow the rules of a handful of 20-year-olds from the 1700s, and even though there weren’t Democrats and Republicans then, this country doesn’t seem to want to change much.¹ Liberals and progressives — or in this context, Pro-Palestine people and Pro-Israel people — do not want to hear each other out. I think listening is one of the most important things you can do. It’s important to listen to why people keep comparing the hostage situation to the genocide, and it’s also important to hear why people don’t think they’re comparable. I didn’t feel this way back when I was first able to vote, regarding MAGA people and if they deserved to be heard on why they were voting for someone like Trump. I disagree with that today because the fact that we refused to hear them out even if we didn’t agree with them is why Trump is the Republican nominee today. However, I do not feel this way about the current situation.

I’ve been trying to go against the way liberals and progressives deal with each other. I’ve tried to listen to the points of view of Pro-Israel people, but comparing the hostage situation to a genocide in order to belittle what’s happening to Palestinians has brought me back to how I was with MAGA supporters. I will not listen to Pro-Israel people, anymore. And I will feel less and less supportive of politicians who keep putting those two points in the same sentence. Most situations are not black and white, but I feel that this one is. You have one side that created an extremist organization in response to being massacred for decades, if not more, and you have one side that is straight up committing genocide. I don’t see how these are comparable. And I know that I have to vote for Kamala Harris and Tim Walz because if either party wins, money is still being given to Israel to destroy what is left of Palestine. But in one situation, women and people of color and people with disabilities and people in the LGBTQ+ community are more protected in this country than in the other. Palestinians in America are technically more protected than with the other. I keep struggling with this point because it feels wrong to vote for someone who is using our tax dollars to fund this genocide; it also feels like if we don’t vote for that side, we will lose the freedom to protest a genocide. I don’t know.

If Kamala could separate those points in her speeches, I think that would do a lot. If she keeps saying she wants a ceasfire and then goes against that instantly by saying she will support Israel in its right to defend itself, I don’t think I can vote for her to get a second term. I don’t know if I can keep voting for the people that everyone tells me is a choice between life and death when that’s the point every four years. How about we just choose someone who’s better? Politics is easy just choose a better candidate! Y’all need to get it together, or else you’re gonna destroy your Party (you already are).

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Ok, and now for the most important thing I learned at the DNC.

We all belong on the (Ella) Emhoff Scale (For Fashion). Ella Emhoff, also known as The First Daughter of Bushwick, is very well-known for her style. She wanders all over the country in quirky outfits that resemble characters who live in Bushwick, Brooklyn. What that means is that she’ll wear big pants with a little shirt, clashing colors, fun hats, scattered tattoos, etc. It’s what we call “Bushwick.” Here’s how the scale works:

This would be a 5 or 6 on the Emhoff Scale. A camo hat with a long, sleeveless dress that shows off her tattoos. 6/10

This is a 3 or 4 on the Emhoff Scale. It shows off the tattoos, but her hair is gelled back, and her dress is more conservative. I’m gonna say 3/10

The first one is a 3/10, the second is a 9/10, and the third is a 4/10. I think we’re catching on?????

7/10, and I know some of you have this outfit.

This is a tough one! If we were wearing it, it’d probably be around a 6 or 7, but on her, I’d call it a 2 or 3. This makes sense, and you know it.

And now, for my favorite example:

A 10/10 on the Emhoff Scale.

I have met Ella a few times because she used to come into the BAGGU store in Williamsburg when I was working there, and this is the outfit she was often in. On any other celebrity, this might hide them from the paps aka the Brooklyn transplants, but on Ella, this was a dead giveaway.

I was just in Portland, Maine with a few friends, and we were waiting in line for coffee on Peaks Island trying to figure out where we were on the scale. I think, between the four of us, I am most often higher on the Emhoff Scale than they are (big pants little shirt). But I can’t wait for you all to learn this scale and think about it every time you put clothes on. I’ve either made all of your lives more fun and more memorable, or I’ve completely ruined your lives.

And with that, I bid you all adieu!

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movie rec: The Trial of the Chicago 7 (2020)

music rec: High Roller by Sima Cunningham — the record comes out this Friday 8/30!!!

topic to see in black and white: Israel/Palestine hahaha I’m kidding!!!!! unless?

my friends who are lower on the Emhoff Scale than I am :/ :

although I will say Owen is moving up on the scale in this fit and he knows it

a 10 on the Emhoff Scale:

me Irish dancing to The Devil Went Down To Georgia some time before 2010. you will not get a better quality photo of this

1. I think I’m running around the sentence I was trying to write here, but I hope you all get where I’m going haha xoxo ;P