happy ST. PADDY'S DAY
please celebrate appropriately do not end up in the hospital for sniffing bath salts and do not celebrate by taking a photo of yourself at the Chicago River with Trump Tower in the background
I have press-on nails on right now that are sparkly and green in honor of my culture (which is a costume) so my apologies if I start to spell things wrong because it’s vrye hrd to typ .
It’s a garjus day to wear sparkly green press-on nails, split the G, and fight for Palestine, and I have always said that.
I’d love to remind all of you that Guinness is the healthiest beer in the world.
fewer calories
high fiber
b vitamins and prebiotics
pretty
SHUT UP AI it’s simply none of AI’s business if anything is good or bad and no one’s talking about that
Speaking of fewer calories and high fiber, is everybody watching The White Lotus and also Severance? Those shows being back-to-back on the same night each week is chaotic and, in many ways, very Republican. Stressing us out for two hours on a Sunday night before the workweek begins? Hm, that’s pretty Democratic if we think about how much that team’s been making our necks hurt. There must be something medicinal to solve this pain …
Severance makes me overthink all things after I watch it. Is B*ggu actually Lumon? Is there a chip in my brain that’s made of recycled nylon?
canisaysomethingabouttheshowseverance
It’s not a perfect show. It’s too slow, but it’s also great. It’s a great show. If people were this honest with themselves about Severance, maybe Kamala would be president. Not perfect but really great … like, so honest of me. So brave of me to say that.
If anyone watched last night’s episode of The White Lotus, I think we can all agree that SPOILER ALERT Sam Rockwell’s cameo threw us for a damn Loop™ lemme just say that. Quite a monologue that man had for what feels like no reason, but knowing Mike White personally1, I can tell you that it probably does, in fact, mean something.
To go from writing School of Rock to The White Lotus is range. It’s talent. And in some ways, it’s very messed up. I’m waiting for the day that Jack Black or Miranda Cosgrove show up in a season. Or better yet, J O A N C U S A C K. A Joan Cusack character at The White Lotus Salzburg would be something beautiful. It would be something out of a storybook. Joan Cusack on a Sound of Music tour where she paid VIP prices to get the best seats on the tour and ends up in a tiny van that breaks down in the hills near the Red Bull factory — I would be sat for that. Jack Black as her husband. And they’re both skiing in the Swiss Alps and get stranded during an avalanche. They find Jennifer Coolidge in a cave with a wooden leg (cuz season 2). For some reason, I do believe Jennifer Coolidge will return.
I think it’s very likely that Joan Cusack or Jack Black or both will show up in a season of The White Lotus. I also think it’s very likely that Joan Cusack or Jack Black show up in a season of Severance. I want Joan Cusack in an Emmy-off with Patricia Clarkson. Here are my future character ideas for Mike White:
Joan Cusack — drug kingpin in Oak Park, Illinois, has so much money in offshore accounts and also CHASE Bank for some reason
Jack Black — trophy husband of Joan Cusack
Patricia Clarkson — lawyer-turned-hippie who had a beautiful experience listening to The Lumineers at Bonnaroo and follows them all over the world, wears beads and feather earrings but always has an Apple Watch on her wrist
Whoopi Goldberg — a nun with a secret
Kathy Najimy — hotel manager
Christoph Waltz — tour guide for The Sound of Music tour
Kirsten Dunst & Diane Kruger — sisters who steal from rich people but get in trouble with Joan Cusack (ok spoiler alert!)
Parker Posey just shows up as a completely different character (even if she dies in the current season)
Sandra Oh — owns The White Lotus Salzburg, nepo owner, does not know how to run a hotel
Keke Palmer — influencer hired to make content for The White Lotus hotel
Brenda Song — Keke Palmer’s ghostwriter, hates Keke Palmer
Freddie Prinze Jr. and Sarah Michelle Gellar — as themselves, they’re just also at the hotel
That’s all I have right now. I do see all of these people being in the same season. I believe this has … potential. That’s all.
St. Paddy’s Day is a very good time of year. It’s a time of laughter, loveter, and liveter. It’s a time when you somehow end up downtown during the Chicago River dyeing and are only able to get through to your destination by walking through Trump Tower. It’s a time for going to Chief O’Neils, which is kind of a cop bar but we forget that on Paddy’s Day and we watch the dancing and we listen to the music and we see the cops from Ireland arrive in their uniforms and try to remember if they’re included in ACAB and anyway it’s ST. PADDY’S DAY the Irish are the some of the OG RESISTERS it doesn’t matter if it’s a drinking holiday it’s also a holiday to thank our ancestors for making it so that we aren’t lactose intolerant and also to thank them for fighting for their freedom and for teaching us to fight for everyone else’s freedom also as well. We Are The Resistance To Dairy Intolerances and British Intolerances, and that’s something I have always said.
So have a Guinness or have a Guinness 0. Eat some curry fries and put some sunscreen on. Even if it’s gray out. Even at night. The Irish are not known for keeping the wrinkles away. And LEARN A JIG for crying out loud I can’t keep doing it for everyone I’m too shy.
movie rec: In the Name of the Father (1993) — it’s not wrong to hate the British ← I never said that
book rec: The Country Girls by Edna O’Brien — a book that gives voice to the disempowered Irishwomen of the 1960s
music rec: The Town I Loved So Well by The Dubliners
Céad Míle Fáilte
this is not true
kerry is always searching for a whoopie sister act revival