happy holidays! (re: insurrection)
what are YOU doing to celebrate <3
WOW. W o w. Happy Insurrection Day, readers! Did everyone take the day off, like I did? Is anyone wondering why we didn’t have the day off in the first place? Did everyone wake up this morning the exact same way I did (exhausted)? Ugh, what a day, huh. January 6, 20201, was so absurd. I mean … I wouldn’t know, I wasn’t there … but I will say that I think about it all the time. I kind of have FOMO about it. I wish I was there. Regardless of how stupid the event was and how scary it is to know that people like that were ready to basically beat the shit out of Nancy Pelosi, it looked like they all had so much fun! Don’t you all remember the excitement of following through with a surprise you planned — for a birthday or an engagement or an insurrection — and not even being able to sleep the night before because you were just so excited!!!!!!! I’m sure they all felt that way. I bet some people stopped at Dunkin before and picked up boxes of coffee and two dozen donuts. Or is it 18 donuts in one of those boxes? Anyway, it seemed like a blast.
Oh, what’s this? An email about the insurrection?
Well, let us open it!
First of all, do not use my name in vain like that. Don’t say, “Kerry, people died” like it’s wrong of me to think the vibes of this event were funny. Also, why call me a MoveOn member like I’m no one and then use my government name directly after? Secondly and lastly, because I’m sure we’re over me talking about this already, I, myself, did not allow Trump to get away with anything. I’ve never even met him, so how could I allow him to get away with pardoning the freaks insurrectionists? That is simply none of my business.
You know.
If we truly wanted to stop him from pardoning them and potentially becoming the president.
There’s this thing I heard about a few years ago.
It’s called.
An insurrection.
I’ll bring.
The 18 donuts.
KERRY THE JIG IS UP WE KNOW YOU WENT TO THE INSURRECTION. One of the worst things a jig can be is up. But one of the best things a jig can be is a dance, and if I were present at said insurrection, there would’ve been footage of me jigging. So therefore inconclusion I was not there. Okay, let’s move on.
The Golden Globes were last night! Yes, I watched the whole thing! Here are my highlights:
Nikki Glaser — first woman to host solo
monologue was great — not as scandy as a lot of her other material outside of the show, but I thought it was really funny
The writers of the show must be younger this year
it was a lot better at making fun of itself, which leads me to believe a lot of the writers are young millennials and potentially even zoomers
these age groups are the best at not taking things seriously
Kieran Culkin lookin like Tobey McGuire in the third Spider-Man movie, which is called Spider-Man 3, but he looks like him when he has the bad venom in him and here I’ll just show you
okay you know what maybe I was wrong here but I’m kind of right?
Jennifer Coolidge really can say whatever she wants and the girls are gonna laugh
You should not be allowed to win a Golden Globe if you choose not to be present at The Golden Globes I am looking at you Jeremy Allen White
I thought Sharon Stone said “cinnamon” instead of “cinema” — now why would that make sense to write down here
Colin Farrell, the man I will leave my husband for, thanked craft services, and I think no one thanked God last night so that’s Craft Services: 1 and God: 0
I get so bored when women don’t win Best Director
If you haven’t watched all of Hacks, yet … whatcha doin? Worrying about January 6th, 20202? Well, it’s already here, buster, you better Catch Up
Demi!!!! — great speech
Moore, not Lovato
And that’s all you need to know about last night’s Golden Globes. Also, none of the movies I thought would win won. The two movies I haven’t seen won everything: The Brutalist and Emilia Pérez. I’m gonna watch them tonight3, but I will say that Demi Moore didn’t do body horror for The Substance to barely win anything, and Conclave didn’t make my jaw drop for nothing. And the boys didn’t do the insurrection for nothing, either. Let us remember that.
I will be leaving this week’s Circle Back at that. I just moved into my new apartment two days ago, and I have been Working To The Bone with putting things away and donating and getting tons and tons of knots in my shoulders. I simply don’t have time to not be folding down cardboard boxes.
Hope everyone had a good January 6th!
movie rec: Conclave
tv show rec: Hacks
music rec: Doechii — watch the Tiny Desk!
someone who needs a sauna: me
I have been informed that the insurrection happened in 2021 … well maybe I’m talking about a different insurrection did ya ever think about that
Okay fine I was talking about THE insurrection I fucked up can everyone relax
I have just discovered that The Brutalist is 3 hours and 35 minutes long, so I would like to retract my statement. This girl will not be watching <3
Kerry - the insurrection was 2021!