Y'ALL ARE IN FOR A TREAT TODAY

get ready to feel all mushy and gushy inside because you're about to see some a d o r a b l e photos

Nov 27, 2023

SO here I am in Chicago, Illinois after touring with Finom on the West Coast.

Very strange selfie, but pretty quickly into arriving, I got a haircut that was a tad shorter than what I was planning for. So when you try to imagine who wrote this as you read it, imagine her.

Or her.

BUT ANYWAY, after this tour, I went to visit my mom at her Christmas-themed Old Irving Park apartment, and she handed me a shoebox full of baby photos and told me to “Look through them and choose what you want because I’m throwing them out don’t worry they’re all scanned you’re not gonna lose them just choose what you want and get them out of my sight and also your shoe is untied your hair is also very short did you know that?” Direct quote.

So I’m looking through all of the photos and noticing that … I was absolutely adorable and more people need to know that. And since this is my newsletter and I can write about whatever I want, you’re all gonna get some photos and captions. Let’s call this segment:

Time To Look At Photos Of Tiny Little Baby Kerry And Maybe Get A Few Laughs Out Of It — I think maybe someday the creative orange juices will flow through my brain and I will be able to think of clever headlines, but for now, I’m just gonna tell it how it is.

Since I need to make a living, and the only way I can do that, here, is through sponsored ads …

… we’ll begin with a sponsored ad:

Johnson & Johnson — Mm, mm, good! No, wait, what’s the slogan for them that didn’t sound right

if you look closely here — like, if you zoom in really close, like look at the top and then the bottom and then the left side and then the right side, and you look right close up at my face, you’ll find a Stone-Cold Baller. it can be found in this photo here.

this was a phase, and I will not be taking questions at this time

not knowing how to read? that was permanent.

being Too Dang Cute? sorry to share that this is an aggressively permanent trait it shan’t be leaving anytime soon, unfortunately : /

… I’m not proud of what I did here, and I will be writing a Notes Apology ™ screenshot soon.

I showed this caption to my mom, and she did this:

this will be my author photo if i write a book

i don’t know what’s going on with my skin, but i believe it’s safe to say that i was born to wear a turtleneck and rock a Fuck Ass Bob (i cannot explain what this means right now you’re gonna have to look it up it really just doesn’t feel like my responsibility to inform you of it at this time and in this political climate)

you may be thinking, “This is Jessie the Cowgirl!” but actually, it’s me, Kerry. very easy to get confused, though :)

this will be my Wikipedia page photo, if God and Joe Biden are on my side

there’s something about my face here that makes me think i was probably a very annoying, punchable kid at points in time and that’s something i’m not afraid to say and i have always said that

And lastly, the most adorable photo of me to this day and every day going forward. You’re not even ready.

Ope, sorry, that’s the wrong one ope haha typo!

I mean …

Give her a break she is so tired of having to be so adorable and cutie all the time! Can’t people just let her sleep? All she wants to do is rest! She has a big day in the morning — a big day of being CUTE! Hurry, someone grab a pillow and get her a sleep mask she needs complete darkness and a sippy cup of water, as well as all of your love and affection forever. This isn’t too much to ask.

I hope we all enjoyed this. I thought I would do a very simple, very easy, thought-unprovoking newsletter this week. Sometimes, we all need a break from having to think too hard at everything I say. We didn’t need this week to be another week of constantly conversing about the intelligent points I made the Sunday sometimes Monday before; we just needed a nice little Sunday and a few photos that my mom made me take or else she was gonna burn them all at the stake. Michele with one L is way too dramatic sometimes, and I have always said that, as well.

I have to go; she’s giving me “the look.”

Have a good week, my lil buckos. Do not feel overwhelmed by how adorable I was, as that is no longer the case. After this experience, I am more humbled than ever.

movie rec: The Hunger Games: Catching Fire (2013) — I just saw the prequel yesterday, which was fun, but it made me remember how incredible the second movie in the franchise is

things to burn in a fire: my childhood photos

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