what’s something that makes you feel everything, everywhere, all at once? i’ll give you a hint in the subtitle:
anxiety! thank you very much i will be here all night
To me, the most important part of this week was Lori Lightfoot celebrating the confirmation of now Supreme Court Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson. Okay, yes, obviously the confirmation of Jackson was more important, but also the photos of Lori Lightfoot celebrating it. Here is an example:
First of all, what a great photo in front of the White House! It’s so low-key that I almost couldn’t tell that was the White House! Also, what is the difference in Lori Lightfoot taking that photo in front of the gate that is blocking the White House and a picture of me in front of my television with Supreme Court Justice Jackson getting confirmed on it? There is no difference. But anyway, I show this photo because it’s hilarious, and I just wanted to jot down a few bullet points I have as caption ideas for it:
me waiting to greet customers walking into w*rby p*rker
me posing with my girlies outside of (add your fav obnoxious bar here)
eighth grade graduation (it took me five tries to figure out how to spell eighth)
new hinge pic
me posing outside of the white house … oh, wait, never mind
My other favorite photo of Lori Lightfoot from this week is this lil gem:
Now, what I love about this photo is not only that she is reading The New York Times (which I still don’t have a subscription to, so I will never know what to do about the next wave of the rona) and NOT The Chicago Tribune (fake fan), but the fact that if she really was reading the newspaper the way she’s holding it, that means she is reading it upside-down. This could’ve all been resolved if she just smiled at the camera whilst holding the newspaper, but someone (or Lori her mayorself) told her to pretend she’s reading it. PAY ATTENTION TO THE REAL NEWS PEOPLE.
These are just some of the things I am constantly thinking about while applying to new jobs that will maybe one day pay me to write about Lori Lightfoot reading a newspaper upside-down. Just you wait, folks. One day, Lori is gonna be reading my writing upside-down.
Every single day for the past month (including March), I‘ve been applying to lots and lots of jobs. I know what you’re all thinking. W*rby P*rker is as good as it gets! Free glasses every three months! People yelling at me about them breaking their glasses every day! Yesterday, a lady came in with her husband and told me that we should give her husband a replacement pair of glasses for free because he wore them in the pool and so therefore in conclusion they don’t work anymore. And when I said we couldn’t do that, she told me I was wrong and that she’d prefer to speak to someone who knows what they’re talking about. I loved that. The confidence this woman had trying to convince me it was my fault that her husband went swimming in his glasses is something I hope to aspire to. Anyway, as I was saying, I’ve been looking for new jobs — ones that have more to do with writing or social media or photography or anything that would be more fun but still be hard work. Oh, right, and also something that made it easier to pay my rent. Priorities, baby!
I think what’s making this whole process difficult is more so that I’m just not hearing back from any of the companies I‘ve applied to. There haven’t even been rejections! It’s almost like all of these online applications get sent through Amazon Prime or something haha (because they’re always getting lost!). At least I would hope that that’s why I’m not hearing back. It’s not even all huge companies, like Random House. It’s small ones that don’t have a lot of applications to look through (according to LinkedIn) who just choose not to respond, even if it’s to say that I didn’t get the job. Those are the friggin bee stings that kill ya! Also, I had a dream the other night that I died from a bee sting, but I think it’s because I fell asleep watching the new season of Bridgerton (no spoilers!). Had to throw that in here just to make sure that I didn’t actually die from a bee sting and that you are all actually reading this and that it’s not just part of my dream that you’re reading that I got a bee sting. What was I even talking about.
All of the contemporary writers I read and look up to say that they started in editorial assistant positions at places like Random House or New York Magazine and things like that. But I don’t know what got them responses and me none! Perhaps my resumes and cover letters are not good enough because I don’t have enough faith in myself to write about how qualified I am, or maybe it’s because the lady’s whose husband went swimming in his glasses is actually the Anna Wintour of comedy writing and has blacklisted me. It’s most definitely the second one.
My only other idea while I apply to these jobs and getting a second job somewhere at the same time is to take a comedy writing class somewhere in New York so that I feel like I have more experience to show all of the people who don’t answer my apps and emails. Meeting other comedy writers could be a good way to get to know the world of funny writing, too, because right now, it feels like I’m the only funny person in New York City!!! Now I will explain very quickly that this was a joke because I don’t want anyone replying saying that I’m not funny, and I am most definitely not the only funny person this side of the East Rivuh. I am too vulnerable right now for any of you to tell me I’m not funny. You can tell me that all you want once my HBO Max original series is available for everyone to watch in the comfort of their homes or (for my Chicago mayors) even in the comfort of standing in front of the gate barricading the White House.
OH I ALMOST FORGOT TO MENTION THAT I SAW EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE AND IT WAS PROBABLY ONE OF THE BEST MOVIES I HAVE EVER SEEN. Y’all. This movie had my jaw dropped for an hour and forty minutes. And then it had me CRYING at the end. Michelle Yeoh and Jamie Lee Curtis? What more can you ask for? This movie was genius, and if you disagree, you can go watch Cats with James Corden. What an unbelievable movie I literally cannot get over it. Major contender for next years Oscars, even though the Oscars will not be real by next year and Will Smith will be hosting his own award show at a Scottish castle (which is one of the party favors this year’s nominees were gifted. Everyone is rich, and everyone is going to be fine). MICHELLE YEOH. The Best Actress in my heart. If there’s anything you get from this week’s Circle Back, it’s that Lori Lightfoot reads upside-down and also that you need to go see this movie.
Well, that’s all I can think of kvetching about for now. In the meantime, let all of your New York friends know that I am trying to build my ~freelance photography~ portfolio (www.kerrycunningham.com). One photo is equal to three billion dollars. Don’t judge! It’ll cover two months of rent!
Here is a photo of my friend, Noah, that I took this week for funsies:
Oh, whoops, that was a typo!
Well, there’s only one way to end this:
Bye!
“Do these get cold?” .... “can you wear them in the pool?!”... questions custys should really be asking