What To Watch: Don't Worry Darling, a documentary about Lea Michele proving she can read
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This week on What Can We Truly Rely On In This Society? I talk to Leonardo DiCaprio and thank him for staying consistent with his choice to break up with all of his girlfriends once they turn 25. It’s so nice knowing this is a news story that I can actually expect every few years. Never a surprise, unlike everything else in the news. When he broke up with Camila Marrone the other day, I felt like I was finally able to breathe again. So thank you, Leonardo da VinciCaprio.
Next, I spoke to Lea Michele, who also made this week’s news cycle feel a little more relaxing:
WHAT a headline and quote choice, Variety!
For a few years now, there has been a spreading rumor that Lea Michele cannot read, and the proof is … honestly … very good. There are videos of her on talk shows trying to work around some of the games the hosts have her play if she has to write something down; there are videos of her trying to announce award-winners’ names by following what her co-announcer reads off the card; and then there’s Lea Michele herself not ever answering the question correctly:
And whomst was reading these lines to you, Miss Lea — these lines that were mostly song lyrics? And if we really wanted to push this rumor even harder, she’s about to be in a broadway musical (Funny Girl) that she’s known all the words to since she was born; it was literally the role her character on Glee wouldn’t stop talking about wanting to play.
I shouldn’t assume; Lea Michele very likely knows how to read. If anything, she doesn’t know how to read between the lines — the lines on the pages of books where there are words. Okay, she so doesn’t know how to read.
Something that I think is so funny is when a legendary musician or actor or something posts on their Instagram or Twitter about literally anything, and random people respond with things about themselves. For example, whenever Patti Smith posts on her Instagram, almost all of the comments are people asking her to wish them a happy birthday. And the girly follows through! She could be talking about a beloved friend passing away and someone will comment, “Patti, it’s my step-niece twice removed’s birthday today. Will you wish her a happy birthday?” And to that, Patti will reply, “Happy Birthday.”
Now, there’s no surprise here, but I love what people send Cher on Twitter. Here is an incredible example — there literally could not be a better example:
Cher was just doing her thing, talking about how she’ll be home but that her phone is almost gone, and someone replied by saying that she hopes Cher knows how much she is “both” loved (it seems that this Twitter account thinks there are two Chers) and added a glorious photo of the sunset and then a picture of a dog in a bag. Here is a close-up of the dog:
I mean, it truly cannot get any better than this. People will take any chance they are given to say whatever they want. And this is why I believe we should get rid of Freedom of Speech. Now, before you click out of this newsletter, hear me out.
The other day, I watched Serena Williams wave goodbye to the crows HAHA that was a typo I meant to type crowd could you imagine if Serena Williams was waving at the crows? Anyway, she was waving goodbye to the crowd at the US Open for the final time, which was emotional and beautiful and also amazing. And in the comment section of this video, people were complaining about how everyone was cheering for and focusing on Serena when she didn’t even win her match.
“This is ridiculous she didn’t even win”
“Why is no one cheering for the winner?”
“So dumb”
“And what about how no one is cheering for the winner? What about that?”
FIRST OF ALL, the ~winner~ knew that whoever won the match would not be of focus at the end because it was Serena’s last one. No matter what, Serena Williams was going to be the winner of the US Open because her career was about to be over. Also, none of the people in the comments even named the winner — Ajla Tomlijanović — so they really just wanted to complain about Serena Williams and show their racism and misogyny in a more lowkey way (not very lowkey in my very honest opinion).
So therefore in conclusion I think we should get rid of Freedom of Speech. Who’s with me? Take the night to think about it.
Here’s something about me and my transformation into an adult. I have been getting really into hot sauce. I love it. On anything. On probably everything. OH, yeah, what about ice cream, Kerry? All I’ll say is, don’t knock it till you try it.
But I realized the other day that not every place you go to will have hot sauce: some restaurants, coffee shops, hospitals, funeral homes — lots of places. And then I thought, why don’t I as an American and a woman not have a hot sauce keychain? What are the downsides to having one? I tweeted about this the other day, but it’s important to mention in the newsletter why there are TWO reasons for me to have a hot sauce keychain:
to always have hot sauce on hand
to blind my enemies
The third reason is my cool factor will go way up.
My friend told me I’ve been talking about hot sauce a lot lately in my newsletters, and to that I said, “oh my god you read my newsletter? wow, thank you so much, lea michele! really proud to know that my newsletter is helping you build literacy skills.” Oh, my GOD, I’m sorry don’t cancel me for this.
My back has been hurting a lot lately because of my dear friend, Miss Scoliosis, so I gave in to the hype and bought some Birkenstocks. So far, my back only hurts when I’m sitting down or laying down or working out or floating in mid-air, but when I have my BIRKS on, my back does not hurt very much. But this is only three days in, so let’s not get ahead of ourselves. I’ll keep everyone updated on how they are. I will also keep everyone updated on my TikTok fame now that I have them. These babies are goin viral!
Alright, my sweet lil literate lil readers! Thanks for reading this week’s Circle Back. We’re getting close to a WHOLE year of them!! See ya next week!
movie rec: The Last Black Man In San Francisco
music rec: Sling album by Clairo
book rec: The Princess Diarist by Carrie Fisher
friend rec: me
as a fellow hot sauce keychain holder, i concur