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what even is a new york moment?
i, kerry cunningham, a qualified person to answer this question, will answer this question.
What do we consider to be New York moments? Are they celebrity sightings? Maybe seeing a Broadway show? Listening to a jazz quartet in Central Park? People watching in Washington Square? Eating dinner at a 100-year-old, family-owned Italian restaurant and chatting with the chef? Happening to walk onto a movie set? Seeing a very tiny show of a very big musician? Meeting up your long-lost friend every five years and realizing on New Year’s Eve that it was them all along — that they’re the love of your life and always have been?
NO. None of these are New York moments. New York moments are hearing Sylvester Stallone cuss out his assistant outside of a Whole Foods. It’s seeing a Broadway show but realizing the person you’re walking behind to leave the theatre is barefoot and has been the entire time. It’s listening to a busker in the Union Square train station while a pile of vomit listens, as well. It’s people watching in Washington Square lol. It’s eating at an outdoor restaurant and seeing a rat cross the road. It’s walking onto television sets and spotting legendary And Just Like That character Che Diaz on Bedford and South 1st. It’s seeing the exact show of a musician’s three times before they come out with their debut album (Chappell Roan, we’re speaking to you). Or going to a show at 9 and seeing a movie at 11. It’s working the bar mitzvah of a child whose parents were canceled one time. And truthfully, it’s seeing a headshot of Melissa McCarthy at a gay bar during New York Pride and then 15 minutes later seeing and blowing kisses to real Melissa McCarthy at a restaurant down the street. Do you think she knows that there’s a headshot of her at a gay bar down the street? More importantly, do you think she knows that we would die for her?
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Maybe these are all New York moments. My favorite New York moment was going to a Yankees/Cubs game at Yankee Stadium and finally coming to terms with the fact that the Chicago Cubs may have some of the worst fans I’ve ever had the pleasure of sitting near. Okay, that’s not my favorite moment. Every day, there are new favorite moments. Every single day. Sometimes, they include a celeb sighting (only if it’s Melissa McCarthy) or hanging out in Prospect Park and happening upon a public wedding. Or they can be taking the ferry to Rockaway Beach or pulling a Broad City and walking from the top of Manhattan to the bottom. But they can never be being told by an ASPCA or HRC on the corner of the street telling you that you look gorgeous today but only if you give a minimum of $100 to women’s rights. As a woman myself, that does not feel right. Women’s organizations should give me money for almost getting RUN OVER on the sidewalk by their volunteers every time I’m walking to the train. Not a good New York moment.
But the New York moment almost none of us will ever see in our lifetimes is this: a Rat King. Oh, what is a Rat King, you ask? It is a collection of rats whose tails are intertwined and bound together in some way — and I mean this literally. Originally it was used by Martin Luther or something to mock the Pope and say that he is a King who sits on a throne of knotted tails. But I mean this for real. They have been seen before. Google it. And one day, one of you will see the mythical Rat King, and your mind will come back to this week’s Circle Back. And you will remember being warned of the Rat King. But you still will not be prepared for it. And it will change your life forever. Until then, you will never experience a true New York moment.
Whoa, haha! That got a little kooky at the end, huh? We don’t have to talk about that. What we do, unfortunately, have to talk about is …
That’s right: we’re talking about James Cameron and the submersible that implodededed under the sea. Jimmy’s out here giving Lady Gaga investigated the insurrection energy:
The first quote I saw on Twitter from literally anybody once we all found out the five billionaire boys in the submersible had been dead the whole time was from James Cameron. I believe that for at least three days, he was waiting by the phone to get the call so that he could give his quote. Avatar? Never heard of her. James Cameron has a quote somewhere that he has been visiting the Titanic at the bottom of the ocean longer than the captain himself captained the ship. I’m honestly surprised he didn’t have Kate Winslet swimming in the ocean for that scene at the end of the movie with how ridiculous this man is. Somehow, even though he had her swimming in a studio, he still caused her to contract pneumonia. But somehow, he has safely gone to visit a ship that was so low this DIY submersible imploded. Still love the idea of the first quote released after the news was from the director of Titanic and not, like, a Titanic historian or something. Or even Joe Biden. We needed a thoughts and prayers tweet at that moment.
But actually, here are two of my favorite tweets to come out of this moment:
Gonna circle back here to women’s organizations giving me money please.
I think that there ends the entire thing!
Last thing to do a little chatty chat chitty chat chat about is our Lord and Savior Jennifer Lawrence’s new movie No Hard Feelings.
No Hard Feelings is a comedy about a woman in her 30s who’s about to lose her house and gets hired by a wealthy couple that asks her to date their son in exchange for a car. DON’T YOU ALL MISS AMERICAN PIE BRIDESMAIDS ET CETERA-TYPE COMEDIES? The answer is yes. Go see this movie, then! It’s a bit of a satire on what happens when you don’t let your kid learn how to be a person on his own. A lot of movie critics aren’t understanding that at the moment. There was a review on CNN’s website from a guy named Noah Berlatsky who said that the movie was anti-sex work (untrue). Noah Berlatsky also at one point tried to normalize pedophilia, so … who cares about this review it sucks it’s not good and it’s dumb. Go see the movie!
If there’s one thing our generation does right, it’s always support Jennifer Lawrence. We all tend to love every single thing she does. Now that she’s in her first big comedy, we’re learning that we were right the whole time: she really can do it all.
SPOILER ALERT kind of but not totally: There’s a full frontal nudity scene in this movie of Jennifer Lawrence, and here’s why that’s so great. Almost a decade ago, her nudes were leaked by someone and were posted all over the Internet. Since then, she’s been making the choice to show nudity in her movies on her terms, which I think is so slay truly. That is a women’s issue I would give at least $20 to if a person volunteering on Bedford and North 4th said to me, “Hey, you look really gorg today! Would you mind giving money in support of Jennifer Lawrence being able to be nude on her terms?” And to that I would say, “Yes, Mockingjay. Live your truth. Get that Oscar. Make that funny movie. Here’s $20. Oh, the minimum is $100? Well, maybe actually Jennifer Lawrence should chill on the empowerment then IM KIDDING IM LITERALLY JUST KIDDING.
Go see the movie. She hits every punchline right on the nail … or the head … I don’t fully know that saying.
movie rec: No Hard Feelings ALSO Past Lives that movie ruined my whole life it was beautiful
book rec: Men Without Women by Haruki Murakami
music rec: Le Ren — very pretty
pay me to take photos i just keep taking them and then getting paid and you could be part of that!
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