what do jurassic park, a dog named archie, and a pigeon's shadow have in common
i watched all of them this weekend, and they all stressed me out
The rats in new york have put me on edge at all times that now when I see the shadow of a pigeon flying, my first thought is, "very fast rat." Like, I think the shadow is a rat. I am always on the lookout for rats, and now I have to be looking for flying rats. I know I shouldn’t even be worrying about rats, but … let’s picture it: me vs. a rat? Just one rat? I lose. There’s something about them that really freak me out. They’re just always lurking. And I would never defeat them. It’s like Dennis vs the raptor or whatever it is that kills him in the car in Jurassic Park. Just an immediate goner. And yes, I did just watch Jurassic Park for the first time since I was five. And yes … it was excellent.
This weekend, I had my first New York dogsitting experience. I went to the Upper East Side to pick up this a d o r a b l e lil bucko named Archie and carried him onto the 6 train, switched at Union Square, and then continued to carry him onto the L train until we made it back to Bushwick. Was he a little too big for me to carry for that long? Yes. Did he feel much safer when I was holding him on the scary trains? Also yes. Ok, first of all, before I continue, look at this qt:
I mean …….. that’s all I’m gonna show you.
Ok, fine, anything for you, Cher:
Right as he ran through my door, he made himself SO comfy and decided that my bed was his bed and that sofa was his sofa. And he was right.
Archie was the sweetest companion this weekend. He was so excited about everything and was so cuddly and kind to everyone. I will say, though, that now that I have taken care of a dog in New York for a few days, I wonder: How Does Anyone Have A Dog In The City Of New York? I know I was taking Archie with me everywhere I went, and if I actually had a dog I would be able to leave it at home for certain amounts of time, but it is A Lot Of Work taking care of one here! If your dog is bigger than a purse, public transportation becomes super stressful because bigger dogs don’t fit in a bag (which is allegedly the only way they are allowed to be on trains and buses). I did not have a bag for Archie — and also he was a little too big for me to carry him in a bag — so that’s why I was carrying him every time I went on a train or bus. Also, these streets are full of broken glass and trash, so the anxiety of worrying about your dog stepping in any of it is a lot. Plus, Archie would step in spilled liquids all over the streets and then immediately jump into my bed when we got back home (so you know that comforter went straight into the wash, baby). There would be lots of trips to the laundromat if I had a dog full-time, that’s all I’m saying, okay? Don’t cancel me for calling dogs dirty, okay? Oh, my goodness, am I literally getting canceled right now for saying that all dogs step in gross shit and then step on comforters? I can’t believe this. All I was trying to do was state the real facts about dog-owning in a city as clean as New York, but of course, I said too much and now I’m getting canceled by PETA. I should’ve known this day would come; being vegan was not enough for them.
Okay, ANYWAY, sorry about that. Got kerryed away by my passion for being canceled by PETA. I will say that even though it was stressful to get this dog around the city without getting a car every time and making sure that Archie was happy and comfy at all times, it was also soooo nice to have a dog. Life really is easier to handle when you have a sweet, lil animal by your side … I should clarify that when I said “sweet lil animal” I mean a cat or a dog or a hamster or a bird or two dogs or two cats. I do not (DO NOT) mean a rat. Get that shit back in your chef hat and stay out of my life.
this just in:
Wait, sorry, my caps lock wasn’t on.
THIS JUST IN: I have left my job at W*rby P*rk*r. GASP. What, Kerry?! But how will you see? This is a good question, and the answer is that I am allowed to keep the glasses and contacts that I received from this company. This is one of the many (few) perks I was given working for this company that paid me nowhere near enough to be able to afford my rent. But thankfully, I will be able to read my rent bill every month because I have the glasses to see it.
But yes, I have left the job and am starting at another job on Monday, where I will hopefully get paid more and also have bennys (benefits) to support myself in medical ways. I will say that while I made many good pals at the W*rby P*rk*r, it was definitely time to go. I’ve never had a job before when I’ve gotten burnt out, but everyone did tell me that this can happen in retail if the environment or the customers or the money is not good. And they were right. It’s wild how you get trained to know what kind of glasses and lenses are right for every single customer, and the customers still don’t think you know what you’re talking about. It is also wild when a customer comes in past their appointment time or doesn’t follow the company policy on how long they have to return or replace glasses, and then they ~very loudly~ want to speak to your manager because they don’t like that they were told they can’t have something. And I mean, hey, I’m as anti a corporation as the next comrade and would love to give you everything you want, but alas, my job does not cover me having a therapist to talk about how customers yell at me all day because I look young and so, therefore, they choose me to get mad at over my colleagues and then get even madder when I very calmly make them look dumb in a glasses store. So, I am so sorry, but I cannot change your eye exam appointment from next Friday to right now when someone else has right now’s appointment slot. And neither can my manager.
None of this means I didn’t learn a lot working at Warby. From examples like the one I just gave (omg, that was an actual example? you bet it was, i slay all day when customers yell at me), I have learned how to talk to all kinds of people. I’ve learned how to speak to customers who are self-conscious about the way they look in glasses (Oh, you’re an art teacher? Well, let me tell you, Peg, that if you choose the poblano green Alstons over the striped sassafras Perceys, the Van Gogh museum in Amsterdam is gonna be replaced by the Peg museum; this is an actual thing I said), how to make customers who think they’re better than you understand that they are not better than you because they speak to retail workers like they’re nothing, how to distract little kids when their parents need progressives for the first time (Hey, kiddos! You should try on these kid glasses and then throw them on the floor after to show your parents how durable our acetate frames are!), and even the creepy, old men who interrupt you to tell you you’re too pretty to wear glasses when you’re trying to explain to them that they have cataracts now.
I’ve met so many people working there, which is one of the reasons why I applied right as I moved to New York. I just wanted to meet a bunch of people and make jokes all day (which were very funny and I can prove it because I always got 10s on the surveys, so therefore in conclusion my jokes are getting better), but it definitely would’ve been nice to be able to do those things while getting paid more and getting benefits. And I know that there are places where all of those things can work together in harmony; I just have to look for them.
In other news, I may or may not be going to the Cubs vs Yankees game today, which — if I go — will be very exciting because I’m going to be cheering so loudly for the Cubs that I will be writing next week’s Circle Back from a hospital bed (because the Yankees will beat me up I am afraid of New York sports fans). It’s supposed to rain, though, so I’ll letcha know next week if I went! Or perhaps you’ll see it on my Instagram today. Yes, that’s right, on my Instagram, which you can go ahead and give a little follow when you’ve got a moment yes that’s right my Insta handle is @krrycnnnghm also known as Kerry without the vowels but sometimes Y.
Okay, well, there’s only one way to end this newsletter, so I’ll go ahead and let my girly do the honors!
WHOOPS, sorry, wrong one. Honestly, I don’t remember why I screenshotted this one.
How bout them Yankees tho #gosports