this week we are getting our eyebrows done for the holiday season
gotta show the fam that i'm killin it in new york, and only my eyebrows will be proof of that
Happy week before the hellidays begin, everybody! Here are the headlines:
Adele’s new album 30 was released, and Page Six thought this was how you’re supposed to write about it:
What were they thinking? My follow-up question is, how do I keep getting rejected or ghosted by social media and copywriting jobs when there are people out there writing this? Anyway, that was just a question I had — not expecting an answer, just like how those jobs never ANSWER ME. And speaking of looking for jobs, what is wrong with people on LinkedIn? Why are they treating that website like it’s a bunch of moms in their mid-40s using the platform as a diary? Do those people on LinkedIn know that one day we are all going to die? I don’t want to like your LinkedIn status to prove that I believe all interns should get paid, and I also don’t want to know that you quit your job because working at the top of a Fortune 500 company made you sad sometimes, so you decided to create your own Fortune 500 company. Anyway, be sure to share this newsletter on your LinkedIns, everybody.
Kyle Rittenhouse got off on all charges this week, which means that our jury system is not broken and no one is racist and we are accurately following all of the rules and we have to abide by them. Well, that’s what Joe Biden believes. Thank you, Joe Biden, for being and saying exactly what we think you’re gonna say always. At least he’s not surprising us; I don’t think any of us could handle any more surprises. Biden believes that “what unites us is far greater than what divides us” (CNN) and that he knows “that we're not going to heal our country's wounds overnight,” but “Violence and destruction of property have no place in our democracy.” It’s almost like he doesn’t know when to stop talking. Hey, y’all. I know we’re mad that a guy shot and killed a couple of people, but please don’t take it out on the brick walls! They are fragile and can’t defend themselves from spray paint and rocks. Be nice, okay! No point in getting angry :) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Is it really so hard for just one person in power to say that what’s broken is the entire foundation of this country? Can we only use synonyms to say that capitalism is destroying us because we care more about a Walmart getting a television stolen than we do about 12-year-old Tamir Rice getting killed by a white police officer? What’s the point of a president if they aren’t going to say what we need to hear? Also, since we’re talking about presidents not saying what we need to hear, @ Joe Biden: I am not paying those student loans when it comes to that time again, so you better figure all of that the fuck out.
Since moving into my apartment, I haven’t had to do much cleaning; there’s not enough stuff, yet, to have to organize or sweep. But I decided this weekend that it was time to do a little organizing of all of my clothes on the floor. I folded them and put them back on the floor (no dresser, yet, folks!). And then after that, I glanced toward the door in the right corner of my room — and like my mom every other month when I was growing up — I said to myself, I think it’s time to tackle the bedroom closet today. I folded the clothes in there and then threw them back in. I didn’t realize one could be so excited to have a dresser again. When that baby gets in here, I am Marie Kondo-ing the heck out of those floor clothes. All of my Instagram photos will be of those folded shirts. Tearing up just thinking about it.
I’ve started talking to a temporary therapist for the past couple of weeks. From this experience, I realized that I’ve never really had a therapist before; there were counselors in high school and a counselor-in-training in college, but I’ve never actually had my own. My very own lil therapist! I have made the therapist laugh a few times, which is, of course, the point. From these couple of sessions, I felt like my feelings and thoughts had been “professionally” validated for the first time, which was really nice, but I still don’t feel like I’m getting enough critique. I know it takes longer than two sessions, okay, everyone? I had this problem in college, too, when I would write stories for classes. I don’t know if it’s because there wasn’t an actual comedy writing class or anything like that there, but most of my professors would just tell me that they thought my writing was really fun and easy to read and that they’re looking forward to reading what’s next. I never got critical responses from them — nothing telling me that something didn’t work or that something wasn’t funny or that something didn’t make sense the way I thought it did. While I’d love for all of my writing to always be hilarious and always make sense, I know there is absolutely no way that’s true, especially since I’ve just been teaching myself how to write like that since we didn’t learn how in college. I know for a fact that there are things that don’t work in my writing, but for some reason, professors never knew how to tell me that??? So I guess I’m comparing that to therapists always taking your side and not telling you what your negative role could be in a situation. I can’t keep living a life of always thinking I’m right! Where will that get me? The presidency?
The 2021 Spotify Wrapped is releasing soon, and I have an idea of who my top five artists will be: Big Thief, Japanese Breakfast, Carole King, Samia, and Ellie Goulding (we are all aware of how that one happened, and we will not be discussing it). If I am correct about all of these, I will be posting them on my Instagram story; there will be no judgment over here. Also, just a quick lecture from me: Spotify does not pay artists, like, AT ALL, so if you’re gonna post your Spotify Wrapped and stuff, you should also buy the merch or actual concrete records or CDs from your top artists so that you’re actually supporting them because posting that you listen to them a lot on an app that doesn’t pay them doesn’t actually help them. Obviously, if your top artist is Taylor Swift, she does not need more money, so buy a record from one of the artists who couldn’t make 400 albums, like she did, during the pandemic. And then maybe that record you bought from that other artist becomes your new favorite record and you help that artist become the next Taylor Swift! It’s me, I’m the artist, buy my record (just kidding I don’t have a record just keep reading my newsletter).
Have a safe Thanksgiving, everyone! Try not to give in to the Black Friday capitalist weekend that’s incoming! Buy from small businesses! Teach your families about how Thanksgiving is a bad holiday that should not be celebrated, and the pilgrims and indigenous people did not make sweet potato casseroles with marshmallows on top! Instead, the pilgrims stole a bunch of land from them, and now we’re living on it! But also, enjoy being with your families if you can because we just went through two horrible years of disease and death, and we should be thankful that we can even come together to eat and sing and get drunk again. See y’all next Sunday! Thanks for reading!
Here are some photos I took this week:
