the only way to stop the pandemic is to get celebrities to sing we are the world
i can’t think of any other realistic solutions because i’m sure the government already thought of them right? right?????
I have been hitting ALL the clubs this week: CityMD, LabQ, DragonflyPHD, CVS Pharmacy, Pixel; most of these were vans. Clubs are so weird these days! Not a lot of music. People are in single-file lines. And the only way to get in is if you let someone stick q-tips up through your nose and into your brain! I don’t think I wanna go anymore. But sometimes, it’s not my choice to not wanna go to clubs because people don’t know how to act responsibly when they’re there! I’m gonna stop with the analogy now because I’m bored of it. Seriously, why can’t people just get their shit together? I am not smart enough for there to be people who are dumber than me in the world. If I know to wear a mask and get vaccinated, everyone else should, too. Until then, I will continue to put on my coolest outfits for the Covid testing lines just in case The New York Times decides to take a photo of how bad the government is doing with passing out tests.
Almost all of my early twenties have been during this pandemic. If it continues into my mid-twenties, I will have to completely change my personality. If things are still not progressing by the time I turn 25 in March, Kerry post-covid will cease to exist. She’ll have an accent, wear a beret, and she might even break out into song mid-conversation. Life is not real, so we might as well pretend we’re in a Glee reboot. Time to convince a group of people to sing and dance in unison to Dancing On My Own! Flash mobs all the time, constantly.
Everywhere I go, I’m prepared for a flash mob to occur. Movies have taught us that there is always going to be a flash mob somewhere in New York. It wouldn’t be in Grand Central Station — too obvious. It would most likely be somewhere like the Dekalb L stop or a UHaul drop-off location. These are places no one would expect — except for me because, as I said, I am always prepared for a flash mob. So far, I have yet to see one. This doesn’t mean anything. They could be happening all around us at all hours of the day. ABPFAFM (Always Be Prepared For A Flash Mob).
Now, I know what you’re thinking. Kerry, what the hell are you talking about right now? Well, I’m here to tell you that I do not know. I currently have a concussion, and my mind is not as sharp as we all know it to be. Lots of different things have been racing through my mind. Flash mobs, for one. Why I keep getting hit on the head, for another. Why the bodega across the street sells sour Skittles 24 hours a day, seven days a week when they know that I have to pay rent. I’ve also been thinking about Sylvester Stallone’s Instagram post from this past week:
I just wanted to add this to the newsletter to document that this is a real post, and it shouldn’t be left behind for no one to see. Little does Sylvester know, but as he creates this Instagram post from his private plane, he’s educating us on gentrification. He looks like that meme where he’s waiting for his husband to return from the war. Will he ever return? Will my PCR results ever return from the war? It’s been over 48 hours. Thank you for the very brief thought, Sylvester. There’s definitely a lot for me to ponder on after this.
I got an email the other day letting me know that it’s almost time for my student loans to start getting paid back. The White House said that restarting student loans is a high priority for them. And I totally get that. I mean, if I was giving billions of dollars to the military, I would want to find another way to make a small amount of that money back. The only viable option is making sure our youngest college graduates can never afford to do anything because we’re paying back loans for a degree that we’re not even using because writing majors are meant to write free newsletters for the rest of their lives! And while our public school teachers who get paid nothing pay for school supplies out-of-pocket because our local governments apparently cAn’T aFfOrD tO pAy fOr BoOkS, our police forces are getting literal Transformers-type vehicles and protective gear, just in case a kid throws a water bottle at one of them during a protest. And while they’re getting all of that gear, people are still waiting in lines for four hours to get Covid tests so that they don’t have to worry about not being able to spend the holidays with their families for the third year in a row — or even more so, worry about not being able to go to work because no one makes enough to afford to be sick at home. I feel like there are so many easy ways to solve these issues. I’m thinking we get a bunch of celebrities to sing We Are The World. It worked so well with the Imagine video! No? Sorry, my concussion is affecting my judgment. Don’t ask me about how we can fix all of this for a few more days. Or ever.
In other news, all of my things from my storage unit have arrived! My clothes are in a dresser, my books are stacked somewhere (my room is a mess I cannot find the books), and my plants that my mom killed even though she said she kept them alive are decorating my bedroom. While everything else in the world feels absolutely insane and lonely, I feel more connected to where I am having some objects that can make this apartment feel like home. And even though I’m saying that I feel completely disconnected from reality right now, which I’m sure you can all relate to (unless I’m feeling this way because of my concussion. in that case, please ignore my last sentence). While we all watch movies that incorporate flash mobs, we also watch movies about contagious diseases and the world ending. These are all things we were only supposed to experience through screens. It’s been an overwhelming week for everyone. Next week, I will make homemade pasta with my fricken DOPE Kitchenaid mixer and pasta maker (a gift from my aunt Jackie — thank you, Jackie!) and will be sure to update you on the mess that is made from doing this.
I hope everyone is taking care of themselves. This week’s newsletter wasn’t much to distract you all from the pandemic that is the United States, so I will leave you with one recommendation to help distract:
watchsisteractandsisteracttwobackinthehabityouwontbedisappointedthiswillhelpsolveeverythingipromise
ifitdoesnthelpthenweshouldstartapetitiontogetgalgadottosingwearetheworldwithsomealistersmaybemerylstreeporsomethingitstheonlywaywecanstopclimatechange
