sorry for the delay everybody i was on PTA (paul thomas anderson?)
ope embarrassing typo there! i meant PTO (paid time off) you sickos
Something about me is I have no bedtime, and I haven’t had one in years. I’m not bragging; I’m just stating a fact. I used to have a routine before going to bed — shower, facemask, tea, reading, Instagram scroll, slumber. That’s actually true this was my routine. But lately, I have had absolutely no routine. There has been no relaxing or reading or meditating or winding down; I just continue to do the damn thing until the Sandman turns off the light in my tiny little brain. Have I been living life to the fullest? Yes. Have I been way more tired? Also yes. However, I will also make a public statement now and say that I don’t think you can have one happen over the other. Having fun is tiring, and therefore in conclusion I am tired.
Having fun can mean anything; partying, watching a movie, seeing friends, staying in, voting [derogatory], being creative, doing absolutely nothing — there are truly so many ways to have fun. And every single one of those things I mentioned, especially doing nothing, is exhausting. I go to bed at a different time every single night; it doesn’t matter what day it is. There’s always something to do, and it makes my bedtime earlier or later. How does having something to do make me go to bed earlier, you ask? Stop asking me that. Literally who told you to ask me that? Stop it. I don’t wanna know. What I do wanna know is how quickly can I recreate a routine for bedtime. Also, will I ever have a routine again, or do I have to wait until I have children (real and/or imaginary)? And what even is a routine? Wouldn’t not having a routine also be considered a routine? Have I ever been more annoying than I am right now? Are you still reading? Shall I move on?
It’s time to add the most important fossil in history to Circle Back. It has honestly taken me too long to mention it:
THE CHICAGO RAT HOLE.
Do NOT ask if it was actually a squirrel because I don’t want to hear it.
Rats have been around since the dawn of time. They date back to 47 million BC and used to look like this:
And for someone to discover one of these little guys’s fossils in Roscoe Village? Chicago is the most romantic place in the world. Other than the Village Discount, Roscoe Village had nothing going for it, so it’s really beautiful to see dreams get made because of discoveries like this:
As Nicole Kidman has said since the day she was born, “Happiness feels good in a place like Roscoe Village … I mean this.”
Was just checking my main news source and CHRIST!!!! We (shorties, not anti-LGBT people) really can’t have anything these days. They don’t want us to succeed in our lifts — in our square-toed boots. You walk a mile in these Louboutins, and what do you get? Second place and a delusional Nikki Haley. All I ever get as a 5’2 sometimes 5’1 girl is second place and a delusional Nikki Haley. It’s store policy, unfortunately.
It shouldn’t be this hard to have good presidential candidates, y’all. We need someone who knows what’s gonna happen before it happens — someone who believes that all choices are predictable. We need someone who guesses that because Reneé Rapp — singer/actress who plays Regina George in the new Mean Girls movie — was the musical guest on this past weekend’s Saturday Night Live, that meant that the surprise cameo of the night would most likely be Rachel McAdams, even though she never does cameos.
And you KNOW I predicted that. That is some presidential skill shit right there. It is so obvious that they need to lower the age limit to run for president, as well as edit the requirements to be the president because if the main requirement was about knowing exactly what choices Saturday Night Live was going to make before they make them, I would have won the Iowa Caucus the other day. I would win both the Democratic and Republican Iowa Caucuses. And not only would I always know what SNL’s next move is, but I would also have other qualities for this position also as well. Here are some of them:
cannot whistle
can run a mile in around six minutes if I have to
know more random facts than anyone legally should
vegan [derogatory]
have read several books
houseplants are still alive after years of ownership
have a guest room in my apartment
know American Sign Language randomly I don’t know why I know it but I do
So, yeah, if these were the qualifications for being the President, this is who would be running your country:
I would like to apologize for missing last week’s newsletter, but I promise that I will make up for it this year. Lots of things to come, and I’m excited to make fun of all of them for y’all.
To end this week’s Circle Back, here are some fun photos from a headshot photo shoot I did for my friend Sarah:
tv show rec: Girls — I’m almost done with my rewatch, and bOY does this show still hold up entirely
book rec: Dubliners by James Joyce
language to learn rec: French Sign Language … don’t ask why I don’t make the rules