someone call my mom there are kittens in my yard and i need her to tell me that i can keep all of them
i'd say to call my dad, but he'll give in to my crying about it and say yes, and i need someone to push back a little more but still let me have what i want
What does this mean — and why does it feel threatening?
I’m with all of you when I say that I don’t want him in a higher office, but I wouldn’t mind him in an Andy Cohen-type role on BRAVO. I’m sure we all feel this way. Oh, we don’t? Right. Me neither, actually. My writing team wrote that, and I didn’t agree with it, but we had to see how it would do in front of a live audience. We’ll be sure to scratch that one off. Oh, this is published already? So I can’t remove it? So this opinion of mine is out there for the world to see? And it’s going to stay with me for the rest of my life and career? Right, right. I’ll write a Notes app apology later.
WHAT a WEEK I’ve had, buckos.
I’ve been working from home, which has given me the gorgeous opportunity to hear teensy little meows from my backyard. And this has inspired me to write a Dr. Suess-like poem. Please enjoy.
Every morning, when I get out of bed,
I make a cup of coffee to clear my head.
And as I go to sit and chill.
I hear a MEOW that makes me spill (my coffee)
I look out my window, and what do I see?
A group of kittens, FIVE kittens, and a mother cat staring back at me!
Now my day has changed, as well as my week.
Every work break I had gave me a chance to peek (at the kittens outside in my backyard).
I lower a basket with food for the cats,
And they show me thanks with a tip of their hats.
Soon I will have to call a rescue,
But until then, loving them is all I can do.
If everything works out, one of these kitties will be inside here meowing,
And for the rest of you, I will put on a waiting (list to also adopt one of these kitties because they are just the cutest freakin things around and if the mom isn’t feral maybe one of you could adopt her as well she only looks a year or so old maybe two okay anyway that’s my poem and you can read it to your kids if you want I don’t mind and then after you can show them this video):
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
They’re adorable. This is wild. They’re literally in my backyard. I can’t get to my backyard because it’s connected to my landlord’s place below us, and I also don’t think he’s been in that yard in a decade. It’s a junkyard, but it has trees all over that make it feel like a jungle. And there’s an old doghouse where the litter sleeps with their mom, but if it’s nice out they all sleep in a nice grassy spot under trees. I’ve been watching the mom teach them how to jump and climb, and they have already progressed since last week. Ugh, I am just so proud of them. They’re gonna get into all of the best schools — I just know it.
For the past month or so, we have caught about four mice in our apartment. Four in that period of time is just too many. And we know it’s four because two of them died, one I citibiked to a park two miles away, and then … the fourth one. I am now wondering if it’s not only because of the weather changing but because of … THE CATS. Did the kitties spook them into running into the apartment? If so, that is ok. Apology accepted, truly.
And now, a message from my favorite news outlet:
This woman was 90 years old. She was still actively a Senator. Dianne Feinstein was still in the Senate at 90 years old, and hey, why should she step down now? Would you ask Mitch McConnell to step down when he dies? Exactly. Anybody who expects her to step down now is not a feminist. Check your privilege. Read a book. Don’t forget to vote for her in the next election.
In my heart and mind and soul, Julie Andrews is the Queen, but I wouldn’t even vote for her to be a legislator. Julie Andrews is 88 years old today! I would vote for her to fight Nazis with song until she’s 108, but I would not vote for her to make decisions on my healthcare. Do we concur? I believe we do.
Also, how old is Liza Minnelli? This is something I could Google, but I like imagining her as, like, a 200-year-old person because this Twitter account keeps saying that she’s outliving things as if it’s wild that she’s still alive. Imagine explaining to your grandparents that the way we get our news went from going to the newspaper stand to now following a Twitter account about Liza Minnelli outliving things that happen every day. In 60 years, we’ll be telling our grandkids that this is how we got out news, and they’re gonna say, “Okay, Grandma. Let’s get you to bed.” because they get their news from wearing contacts that give them The Today Show starring a hologram of Hoda Kotb and Savannah Guthrie.
Here is a video I made that I believe sends a powerful message about climate change and how dangerous the flash floods were in New York this past week.
It is also a piece about how climate change is causing the umbrella industry to currently boom. No one ever thinks about that.
So, yeah, if anyone’s looking to hire someone to do work like this for them, I am pretty available.
Next week, I will be back in Chicago for a few days — that city just can’t get enough of me! Someone, please! Tell them I have kitties to watch! Speaking of:
Aaaaaand one more:
It’s just … it’s killing me. I can’t think of anything else right now.
Have a BEUAITITL … how is that even a typo I think my fingers had a bit of a thpathm (spasm with a lisp) there. HAVE A BEAUTIFUL WEEK. Today is gorgeous out, which is Ms. Nature’s way of giving us a break before Knickerbocker Ave. splits in two.
movie rec: What We Do in the Shadows — a perfect movie to begin your Halloween month marathon
music rec: The Land is Inhospitable and So Are We — Mitski baby girly girl
something to manifest — me owning one or two of these kittens