scientists say your inaugural karaoke song choice says more about you than your zodiac sign. here's why:
because i said so
I have to start off by saying that I think it’s so wild how Cher tweets something almost every week that perfectly fits into my newsletter. Or maybe I’m writing my newsletter to match her weekly tweets? Ha, no, that would be so silly. Unless?
But, like, look at how perfectly this tweet Cher tweeted this week fits into the intro of my newsletter:
I mean, it’s spot on.
Cher is good for two things. Ok, Cher is good for thousands of things, but she is good for two things in my life right at this moment, and those are the following: tweets for my newsletter and karaoke. If there’s something Cher’s songs can do, it’s give people memorable karaoke performances. Speaking of, what’s everyone’s go-to karaoke song? Raise your hand and I will call on you to say it.
Ok, I’m sorry, but we’re running out of time! I guess we’ll just have to hear about my go-to karaoke song(s). I was lucky enough and blessed enough and privileged enough to go to two (T W O) karaoke birthday parties this past week, which is where I got to sing my freakin heart out on several lil bangers. I’m going to preface by saying that I’m not going to say that Shania Twain is my go-to karaoke because I know all of her songs by heart and can sing any of them at karaoke if asked ahead of time (kidding I can sing a Shania tune in my SLEEP). This week, my inaugural song was What Dreams Are Made Of from the cinematic hit The Lizzie McGuire Movie, sung by Disney Channel queen Hilary Duff. And luckily I did remember most of the choreography from the performance in the movie, so I was able to do that for everyone without being asked.
Your inaugural karaoke song says a lot about you. It’s more important than your zodiac sign. It’s more important than any of the skills you’ve thrown onto your resume. Do you really think potential employers wanna know if you’re proficient in Apple and Office programs? No, they wanna know your inaugural karaoke song!
But what does your karaoke song really say about you? If you choose Wonderwall by Oasis, does it say that you don’t really know what else to choose? If you choose Lady Gaga or Elton John, does it say that you believe you have the voice for The Voice? If you choose Eminem, does it mean that you really need us to move out of the way of the screen so that you can read the lyrics because there is no way any of us know all of the words to an Eminem song? Do you choose a Disney classic from The Lion King or Tarzan or Breaking Bad? Or do you choose ABBA and prove to us all that you are gorgeous and intelligent and in the right all the time? Lots to think about here.
In the end, God is the one who decides what inaugural karaoke song we choose, and there’s nothing we can say or do about it. If we as women choose the wrong song, it is only because Eve ate the forbidden fruit. And if we as men choose the wrong song, it is because Adam was … not very smart. Choosing the wrong karaoke song is the original original sin. Nothing we can do about it. We’ve made our beds, and now we must never show our faces at the Sing Sing karaoke bar again. I’m not speaking for myself, though. I chose What Dreams Are Made Of. I leveled up.
I hit the good ol 600-day streak today on dualipa for French, and I’ve only got one thing to say about that: S'il vous plaît, ne me demandez pas de dire quelque chose en français. Je périrai de peur de ne rien savoir. I do feel like I could definitely give someone directions in French now, and I could probably order food wherever I am in French, but that only matters if I am in a French-speaking restaurant. The last time I tried to order in French, the waiter said, “Miss, this is a Whole Foods.” All you can do is put yourself out there, folks.
YOU HEARD IT HERE TENTH: Kim Kardashian and Pete Davidson ended their publicity stunt relationship. You have to wonder if Pete knew it was a publicity stunt before he went and got tattoos of Kim and her kids’ names. It’s ok, Pete. We’ve all been there.
The new Maggie Rogers album is out, which I said I was nervous about last week. And I had good reason to be. I wish I could listen to it without thinking about how Maggie constantly reminded us that she was in grad school at Harvard while she was creating this record. Here are my thoughts on Surrender: I don’t need to go to grad school. I’m sorry, Maggie, I love your work, but I cannot vibe 2 this 1.
Final thoughts: my movie recommendation of the week is Bodies Bodies Bodies, starring the breakthrough actress from the second Borat movie, Maria Bakalova, amongst other up-and-comers. Loved it. Makes total sense why Pete Davidson and Kim Kardashian had to break up. You’ll understand that when you see the movie. I love when a spooky movie gets into the 90th percentile on Rotten Tomatoes. Good, spooky movies are sometimes the ones that stick with me the most. Loved it, though, go see it.
Still so hot in New York. Looking forward to the climate change-forward winter we’re gonna have.
Thinking about buying a phone case for the first time in y e a r s. Don’t know if this will change my personality or not.
The book I’m reading right now is My Sister, The Serial Killer by Oyinkan Braithwaite, and ya girl recommends it!
Okay, I need to go drink some water. Ever since I flew four times in one week, I’ve been dehydrated. I was also dehydrated before that, but that is irrelevant.
This is how I feel right now. Like this tweet.
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Have a good week, everyone!