posting on monday because i posted on tuesday last week and it felt too close to sunday so posting on monday makes sense
monday more like sonday am i right happy national son's day! i don't think that's true actually
My apartment has become a zoo of pets. Some may call that a petting zoo; I … didn’t think of that term quickly enough. For the past two weeks, I have been dogsitting, catsitting, and personsitting (people have been coming to stay with me I don’t know what you were imagining). Right now I’m catsitting, although that’s about to end. I already dogsat and personsat but will be personsitting again in a couple of days. Wouldn’t it be cool if you could get paid to personsit? I guess that’d be babysitting. I don’t mean babies, though. I mean like when people come to visit and stay with you if that could be paid personsitting that would be cool. Oh, well, I guess that would be, like, an Air BnB. Hm.. Ok, never mind.
Not bragging here I still don’t know how to speak Spanish.
And when I say Spanish, I mean French. Sometimes, my little fingies get ahead of me, haha. Hahaha. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah—
I went to see Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse this past weekend, and it reminded me of how good the Tobey Maguire franchise is. Kirsten Dunst, a fav actress of mine, did an interview several months ago about the timeline of her career, and she said that the Spiderman movies she was in were treated like indie films and not superhero films, and it almost made the movies feel more real while still honoring the comics. And I feel like you can see that contrast to the new Marvel movies. The SONY ones actually feel like you’re in New York watching this kid try to save the city as he graduates high school. I loved those ones. The Spiderverse series feels like this. If we could remove all of the Marvel movies connected to Disney and only keep the SONY ones, I think there would be no more wars.
I thought the new movie was really great, but if there was one thing I would change, it would be the length of the movie. No movie needs to be two hours and 20 minutes long. Almost no movie needs to be two hours long. An hour and a half is perfect. I am so tired of movies being so long. I would confidentally say that every single movie that has won an award that is longer than two hours could have easily been shorter. Tar? Amazing movie. Less monologues, still amazing. Everything Everywhere All At Once? Lose a universe. Titanic? Actually, I’m gonna leave that one alone. BUT YOU GET MY POINT. It’s unnecessary. Also, we get an intermission at Broadway shows when a show is like almost three hours, so why do movies expect us to sit there the whole time and not need to pee? Does Christopher Nolan expect his viewers to stay dehydrated? Does James Cameron think we’re not gonna be thirsty watching a movie about a ship sinking in water? The Little Mermaid is almost two-and-a-half hours long. I’m sure the movie is great. The original was under 90 minutes. That could’ve happened here. UNNECESSARY. AT THE MOST, a movie’s longest amount of time should be two hours. There are other things to do — other two-hour movies to see. How can you do a double feature if seeing two movies in a day takes up your entire schedule? Sigh. If anyone knows a famous filmmaker, please give them my feedback. I can promise y’all that my movies are going to be 90-100 minutes long. And if I go against that, you can kill me.
The most cuckoo bananas thing to happen in the past week is the new Sam Levinson show The Idol taking the Succession HBO (not calling it MAX) timeslot last night. The Idol is a show about a Britney Spears-esque popstar (played by Lily-Rose Depp) who has a public nervous breakdown and cancels her tour, and during her comeback, meets a very culty, rapey, horribly casted club owner (played by the Weeknd). This show is half very good actors and half pop singers who do not act but somehow have all the main roles. Like, Hank Azaria is in this show. And Anne Heche RIP. But the most important things we got from this pilot episode were:
it’s bad
Sam Levinson’s fetishes are not hidden whatsoever
Lily-Rose Depp does not need to be an actress if she doesn’t wanna be
this headline:
let Rachel Sennott be the superstar actress we all know she could be
this show should have a 2am HBO (not calling it MAX) timeslot
If this idea was written and created without the intention of making it the most incorrectly exploitative show ever made, it actually might’ve been a really great exposé on how popstars getting taken advantage of by their teams. Instead, we have Barry Levinson’s son making another uncomfy show to satisfy his incel needs!
If I end up being wrong about the rest of this show, I’ll be very surpised. Someone needs to look out for Lily-Rose Depp. Isn’t her father enough for her to deal with?!
CODE LIME GREEN LOSER ALERT
No one born in Indiana ever needs to become the President of the United States, and I include myself in that category. What will these debates even be like? Just two ghosts bein’ ghouls. They are whiter than snow. We can see past the spray-tans. I know you live in Florida, Tr*mp, but that doesn’t mean you should be using the oranges to change your skin color. My dad lives in Florida, and he’s just red now. I know it’s not the sunny weather, Donald!
I actually think those debates don’t even need to be televised. I actually even more think that we need to get rid of the First Amendment. There are some people in this world who do not deserve freedom of speech. Those two belong to this idea, as well as many people on social media. Toxic fandoms for celebrities and brands need to lose some speech freedoms. We don’t need to hear you talk about Phoebe Bridgers like you own her. We don’t need to see your signs about a dead relative of Taylor Swift’s at a Taylor Swift show — that’s a real thing that happened. And we definitely don’t need to watch a debate between two men who are gonna argue over who’s gonna take more rights away from everyone. I think we should beat them to it and take away their rights! C’mon, everybody! Who’s with me? Let’s take away the First Amendment! yayayayayayayayay such a good idea.
Sometimes I wonder where my mind goes, I’ve gotta say.
And on that note, I think it’s best if we take away my right to speak freely right about now. I’m no hypocrite, people. I practice what I preach. If there’s one thing people say about me, it’s that. And if there’s a second thing people say about me, it’s that she’s 5’2, but she could be 5’1. Really depends on the weather. Have a good week, everybody! I hope the vibes are slaying and that you look even slay-er. Pick and choose the mirrors you look at yourself in. The one in the Brooklyn Baggu store makes you look so good, but the one in the mirror of the bathroom at Baggu makes you look so bad. Choose the store mirror.
movie rec: Spiderman (2002) — give Kirsten Dunst the praise she has always deserved
book rec: On Women by Susan Sontag — reading her essays can be a breath of fresh air sometimes
snack rec: PEANUT sorry caps lock was on peanut butter filled pretzels from Trader Joe’s
