jesus died just to wake up to the news that Taylor Swift and Joe Alwyn have broken up
someone better find me the R in Easter because I do NOT know how to end this joke!
Hearing a former SNL cast member begin their monologue with “It’s great to be back!” never gets old.
Imagine how much sleep you lost working on a show like this for a decade and then coming back to be the person everyone wants to focus on for a week. And then imagine you’re not just any former cast member; you’re superstar Molly Shannon — a girly who can do no wrong. You’re Sally O’Malley, Mary Katherine Gallagher, Terry Rialto on NPR: Delicious Dish, Courtney Love — and at least one of these characters went on to star in her own movie. SNL really doesn’t make movies based on their original characters anymore … but it happened for Mary Katherine Gallagher!
Last year, I read Molly Shannon’s memoir, Hello, Molly!, which told the story of her upbringing and her relationship with her father throughout her childhood and her career until he passed. I’m not gonna spoil anything because I think it’s a really beautiful story about forgiveness and love in relationships and in life, but Molly Shannon’s life was and is incredibly difficult. She mentioned in her monologue last night that people were very shocked at how honest she was in the memoir about these hard times and that it was important to keep her chin up and follow her dreams. And then later — as we see in the memoir — when she made those dreams come true, writing about the memories that made her would be easier to talk about.
There’s something so sad but so inspiring about comedians. There are so many examples of comedians who are so funny because they needed a way to remove themselves from the pain of their experiences — Kristen Wiig started making jokes to help her younger brother cope with their parents’ divorce, Jerrod Carmichael addresses his depression in all of his standup specials and how performing for people has helped him handle it, Robin Williams and his unfortunate struggle with depression while being one of the funniest people to ever grace our televisions, and Molly Shannon’s memory of her mother and cousin dying in a car crash with her father behind the wheel. There are obviously so many more because these are only a few examples of how often comedians take from sad memories to make us laugh. And we love it! Because they take us away from our sadness and our anxiety and our stress.
Saturday Night Live can be dumb, but it’s always funny. Even if you’re not laughing, you know that it’s not trying to make you sad. And the people who are on it are there to make something of themselves while at the same time knowing they’re the ones getting us to say to our friends, “Did you see Bowen Yang last night on SNL?” or “The host last night blended right in!” Ok, I’ve never actually said that. But I feel like someone has?
Every day I watch something funny. Can’t go a day without it. This morning, I watched a video of Carol Burnett Show bloopers. I can’t believe so many people my age don’t know Carol Burnett. Yesterday, I watched this TikTok:
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So simple. So funny.
Anyway, I just wanted to talk about Molly Shannon a little and it turned into a whole thing about comedians having depression and I really didn’t mean for it to go there so that is definitely my bad.
The other day when I citibiked to trivia, a man riding his bike was passing, and I could tell that he was gonna say something to me. And he did! He said, and I quote:
“Yikes, you must be damn ugly if nobody’s saying hi to you!” And then he cackled, to which I replied, “Why would anybody be saying hi to me right now?” And then because he was focusing on my difficult question, he rode his bike into a parked car. So that was something. Let the record show that I actually looked really good that day.
Final thing I will talk about today because I went on quite the rant about whatever that was earlier is …
Taylor Swift and Joe Alwyn have broken up after six years of dating. Everybody, stay inside!!! It will be too dangerous out for the remainder of Taylor’s ERAS tour. You know what’s so messed up about this? Jesus literally died on Friday only to wake up and find out that Taylor and Joe are no more. Out here dying for our sins only to crawl back into your tomb, my guy. A world with Swifties that will never be able to listen to Cornelia Street again is a world that Jesus should not have to be part of. Ugh, what a place! What a cruel, dark place. Seriously, what will the swifties do without this relationship? I’m actually a little nervous. I might have to delete social media. Gonna have to change my locks. Get rid of all of my cardigans. Throw out the red lipstick. Can’t have any affiliation just in case I’m caught in Washington Square Park and an interviewer asks me what I think the song Love Story is really about.
Proof that any fan base can have an insurrection!
I’m pretty sure this is a bot, but people are out here believing it!
So crazy that a famous breakup can break the internet.
WELL, I think that’s all I have to say about that. Fan bases are spooky and scary. Taylor Swift will continue to make billions, even if she isn’t dating Conversations With Friends star Joe Alwyn, Joe Jonas is not Molly Shannon’s son, I looked really good on that day when the man on the bicycle told me I didn’t because no one was saying hi to me on Grand Street — the list do be going on.
Happy Easter, everyone! Happy Passover, everyone! Happy Birthday, everyone who was born today! I think I’m gonna go get a Canada Dry ™ (not sponsored) from le bodega (bodega in French), and I hope you do the same. Peace be with you and with your spirit God bless
movie rec: Interstellar (2014) — ladies and others, I’m gonna tell you right now that I can’t believe it took me this long to watch this movie and discover that it’s the saddest thing I’ve ever seen. Had a headache the next morning from sobbing so much. Really good, though.
book rec: Hello, Molly! by Molly Shannon — you’ll read this and make it your duty in life to protect her forever.
music rec: Higher Than Heaven by Ellie Goulding — her least personal album yet and a good thing to dance to!
person to applaud: new Chicago mayor Brandon Johnson! Can’t wait to find out what he’s going to do to prevent Barstool from moving its headquarters to our city.