it's the super bowl! who are we rooting for: Rihanna or people who aren't billionaires
i'm just kidding everybody i'm watching the show i was just trying to think of a joke haha did everyone see that ben affleck dunkin commercial
I’ll talk about the Super Bowl in a sec I have other things to address first okay relax.
There were quite some headlines from this past week, but here was one of my favorites:
That’s quite the list — and what a list order, while we’re at it! I can’t tell what they think is the biggest announcement here. If anything they should’ve started with Zootopia 2, then Frozen 3, then Toy Story 5, and then ended it with 7,000 layoffs. Then the numbers would’ve gone up. And then after that, we could think about the fact that they’re making all these sequels but don’t have the employees to make them. Hey, Disney: if you’re worried about money, maybe stop paying for the frozen chamber that Walt Disney’s head is in, and then you could pay all of those people and make those movies! I’m just guessing that the chamber is, like, billions of dollars. Anyway, here’s my idea, and you can have it for free since you don’t have any money.
This week, I went to my first-ever NBA basketball game — The Chicago Bulls vs. The Brooklyn Nets at Barclays Center in Brooklyn. This place had everything: nosebleed seats that were placed at a 45-degree angle, a soft pretzel and a BudLight for $21, a very drunk 16-year-old boy throwing up everywhere in the seats to our right, and me in a vintage Chicago Bulls windbreaker that I thrifted at L Train Vintage a year ago. I mean, it can’t get betta than this. Just guys bein’ dudes. All in all, an incredible night. All in all, will go again.
These boys playing the basketball sport were 25 years old, just so everyone knows. Why do I always think these people are older than me? I mean, I imagine them as people in their 20s, but, like, their 20s in a different universe than me. Like, Patrick Mahomes will be playing in the Super Bowl tonight as a 27-year-old man. Like they’re all around 25, but I’m around 25 in a different way. Just like how when you’re 50 and you watch sports, you think they’re older, but actually, you’re twice their age. Fun to think about, right?
Anyway, after this game, I relate to this headline more than ever:
Did the Bulls lose that night? Yes. But only on the court. They won in my heart. I Die 4 My City.
Now, I’d love to talk about a comedian whose show I used to love (and still love) and watch with my mom — Roseanne Barr. Roseanne, Roseanne, Roseanne, what are you doing, girl?
Now, I’m all for offensive comedy, as long as it’s clever and not offensive in a racist or homophobic or transphobic or xenophobic way (it’s actually really easy not to do any of these things in comedy!). But doing all these things and writing jokes about them in very lazy ways? Come on, Roseanne.
Roseanne’s new comedy special is titled Cancel This! which will only get canceled because the jokes are so poorly written. My pronouns are Kiss My Ass? Is this a parody? Who wrote this, Colin Jost? First of all, if your pronouns were, in fact, Kiss/My/Ass, that would be so sick. Especially since the third word in explaining someone’s pronouns is normally just the plural of their pronouns — like she/her/hers or they/them/theirs — that means the word Ass becomes plural. And that’s actually hilarious. But, unfortunately, that is not the joke Roseanne Barr was trying to make. It’s too complicated for her current writing style.
The show Roseanne helped me understand comedy and sarcasm and how a baby is made better than anything I watched when I was younger. My mom and I used to watch it together all the time, and we really bonded over it. It was a show about a working-class family in Illinois — in America — and told that story so well. It was progressive for its time and showed how important this family was to be shown on TV at the same time as shows like Friends and Frasier and Seinfeld and Fresh Prince. It was controversial and had unpopular opinions that were the right opinions. And then when people like Roseanne finally get the praise their writing deserves, they see themselves as people who can’t be wrong about their opinions. And then they ruin what they once had, and it becomes difficult to respect anything they do. Her fans are now the complete opposite of what her sitcom attracted.
I really like hearing other comedians’ opinions about things like this when they happen. It’s easier to understand these actions and situations when someone who is in the same field explains them, rather than a journalist or a politician — because politics are definitely in play with this comedy special.
Roseanne, Roseanne, Roseanne. She said that being kicked off the Roseanne spinoff The Connors felt like a witch hunt. Well, I’ve never seen a witch in a Canadian tuxedo:
Read a book, Roseanne! Drink some water.
Donald Trizzy (Trump) has been babbling up a storm recently, as he does. But this time, I’m laugh laugh laughing at it. Some racist Trumper in politics whose name I can’t remember and don’t care to look up said that Rihanna should not be the Super Bowl Halftime performer because she told Donald Trump that he was banned from using her songs at his rallies. This was in 2020, but the quote was brought back up in honor of today’s show. And Trizzy’s response?
First of all, a hilarious thing to say as a former President of the USA. Second of all:
And thirdly:
Maybe has a point.
Another favorite quote from this Hill article:
RIHANNA AND TRUMP HAVE CLASHED BEFORE. I cackled. It’s like Godzilla and King Kong. These two warriors have clashed before. Incredible journalistic writing. God, I wish these media businesses knew how funny they could be if they knew that what they were saying was funny.
OKAY, NOW SOME SUPER BOWL SHIT.
The show immediately began by introducing the deaf interpreters for the National Anthem and for Sheryl Lee Ralph’s song, but then we never saw them again. According to my mom, a Deaf woman — like so deaf sometimes because I’ll shout at her and she will not respond, you have to go to a YouTube link to watch the entire interpretation of each song. They’ll do that for the Rihanna show, too. Is it really that difficult to have a little square on the television with the interpreter? Is it really that annoying and distracting, hearing people? Just like when you all say subtitles are annoying — you’re just being a complainer. Grow up. Every deaf person I know is a huge football fan, so that’s like every single deaf person in the United States. PUT THE INTERPRETER ON THE SCREEN. It was literally Academy Award winner Troy Kotsur this time! You’re telling me you don’t wanna watch him do a beautiful rendition of the National Anthem in sign language? Oh, you’re not watching the National Anthem? Because this entire show, including that one commercial during it of the new Captain America Anthony Mackie, is nationalist propaganda? And we’re watching this on FOX, which is where the new Roseanne comedy special will also be airing? Oh, but you will be watching the Rihanna halftime show? Right, right. See you there!
THE HALFTIME SHOW
First and foremost: PREGNANT?!?! Women can do anything.
Right when I saw the stage being built and there being a runway, I immediately thought: Lenny Kravitz is gonna feature. Whenever there’s a runway, Lenny Kravitz is there. But alas I was wrong. I thought maybe Rihanna would bring out the entire cast of Ocean’s 8, but I was wrong again. Because Rihanna doesn’t need a feature. She doesn’t need Eminem or Jay Z or T.I. or DJ Khaled. Rihanna gets the spotlight All. To. Herself. And to her Fenty campaign.
Starting with Bitch Better Have My Money as a billionaire performer and businesswoman is confidence at its best. And then standing in front of her dancers (employees) singing Work was very confident, as well. And while she can do no wrong, she is choosing quite a stance there. No features, except for the fetus. Looking gorgeous, looking flawless, and ready 2 destroy the State Farm Stadium. Definitely gonna need some care insurance after that one! That doesn’t make any sense, but it felt right to say. Anyway, it was a fun show, but did I expect a lil more? I’m not gonna say yes because that could be very dangerous. You may not get another newsletter if I do that.
Alright, everybody! Enjoy the rest of the Super Bowl or whatever else you’re doing! Pretty funny to have Jon Hamm in an ad during the Super Bowl. Just me referencing Mad Men because I watched all of Mad Men and know that having Jon Hamm in a commercial is meta and I understand all of it and everything. Here are my rec:
movie rec: Shrek 2 — Shrek is Tony Soprano, Donkey is Paulie Walnuts, and Puss in Boots is Christopher Moltisanti don’t ask me to explain
book rec: I’m still reading The Godfather because I had to wait to borrow it again at the library
song rec: Disturbia by Rihanna since she didn’t even SING IT TONIGHT. My 10-12 girls’ group at Independence Park summer camp talent show performance would be ashamed.
Have a vundabar week, everyone. I’m getting my next booster and flu shot tomorrow, so I may or may not be watching The Sopranos under the covers every single day. Chef’s kisses to all of you.
Are you aware that Trump has six fingers in that second photo?