is jamie lee really all of us if i have to get a car home because the L and M aren't running and she doesn't?
jamie lee curtis? more like jamie lee gets to take a private jet from manhattan to brooklyn
For context:
That was more than enough context for you, so I’m not gonna re-explain my joke.
But for real — I had to get two Ubers home this weekend that were $30 each because of the trains not running. And let me tell ya: I was prepared for the L to not be running. I saw the signs days before informing us all that it wouldn’t be running all weekend. And while that may be annoying, I was ready for the M to be my main mode of train — leaving earlier for it, walking a little further, and having time management skills being tested to their limit. And wouldn’t you know? THE M. WASN’T. RUNNING.
I’m sure you all saw that coming because of the way I was leading up to it, which means you’re beginning to truly understand my voice. And I thank you for that. And I also say you’re welcome. But NEW YORK: How can you do this? For most people off the L in Brooklyn, the other option is either the M or the J. The J is my life-or-death option. This was not life-or-death since it was 20 degrees out and not worth the long walk. But the M? Not running? Fucking fucked up. You literally can’t do that. I mean, they do it, so I guess you can, but what the hell is your problem? I’m just a girl, 5’2 going on 5’3, standing in front of the Myrtle-Wyckoff station, asking it to love me.
The answer is no.
The M train is like a boy you went on a date with who only paid for his own $7 Modelo, and so now you’re paying for your $7 Modelo and your dignity. That’s what the M train does. It’s a perfect analogy.
Because of the M not even arriving this morning, I had to citibike to work in 35 degrees. I just had to. Twas the only way to get to work on time. And in this borough, the girlies are up n’ attem for B*ggu on a Sunday morning. Can’t let the consumers down!
I got to work today with a migraine today, so you’re catching me working my gotdamn brain off writing this week’s Circle Back. Whenever I have a migraine, I impulsively purchase something. It’s not a healthy time for me, physically or financially when I’m trapped in a migraine. I went to go get a cup of coffee at Devoción on Grand St. and saw that they had this cute little tumbler that was the size that I had been looking for all over the place (or so my migraine told me). So I grabbed it and paid for it and it was $35. It was completely an unnecessary purchase, but it’s mine now and I’ve been telling myself and my coworker all day that it’s a fantastic buy. So, yeah, this is why weed needs to be legalized recreationally everywhere so that I can get rid of my migraines and stop buying things for $35. In this essay I will
^ Just want to clarify to my dad that I didn’t accidentally not finish this sentence it’s a meme.
Last night, a few friends and I went to see John Early’s new standup special at the Roulette. It was a sold-out show and were all GA seats, so we arrived outside about an hour early to make sure we got good seats. Well, that sure freakin paid off because we were in the front row directly in front of his mic. And what made it even more freakin worth it was the fact that this special was being taped for — you guessed it — HBO Max.
Just wanna let you guys know that we’re taping this show, so you’re all gonna be pretty visible on camera. So we ask that you don’t leave to go to the bathroom or for a drink because it’ll be seen on camera.
SO YEAH we’regonnabeonhboandyeahweallgotheadachesafterfromsmilingtoomuchoncameraandjohnearlyscreamedatusforpartofhisbit soooo yeah that might be in the special. Kinda cool. The tumblr I bought earlier today was a little more than half the price of my ticket for John Early. Something to think about.
John Early is probably one of my fav comedians today. He and Kate Berlant are very similar in their comedy where they sort of put on a character that is a stand-up comedian that is separate from who they are. It doesn’t feel like I’m watching John Early; it feels like I’m watching John Early playing a stand-up. And he does it so well.
His bits are very satirical, which obviously is something I am a fan of. Sometimes, if a comedian is good at it, it’s fun to watch one make jokes as themself. John Mulaney is good at playing a version of himself when he’s telling jokes. But when a stand-up show feels like more than just someone talking at you, and they do characters and maybe have a band onstage with them, that can be so fun. He asked the crowd to shout out a Britney Spears song for him and his band to perform, and when he heard specific songs being shouted out, he would mock them and say that he was looking for one from her third album. I have no idea which of her hits are from which album. So we shouted out Lucky. And with that one, he stared directly at us and mocked us for choosing one from the second album. If that makes it into the special and I look like a dumb-ass little laughing hooligan I’m going to contact his team.
Anyway, one of the best stand-up shows I’ve ever seen, and I recommend everyone go watch his stuff on YouTube, or go watch Search Party on HBO Max, or Would It Kill You To Laugh? on Peacock, or his episode of The Characters on Netflix. The man is running all of the streaming services.
Is anyone subscribing to Lent this season? I hear they’re rebranding.
I’m picturing the CDA (Child Detection Agency) from Monsters Inc. breaking through the windows of the Dolby Theatre to prevent another slap. Here’s a reminder of the CDA:
Someone makes a lame joke in their monologue?
Someone is walking up to the stage unscripted?
Speech is too long?
Tom Cruise shows up?
No, the CDA isn’t compatible with the Church of Scientology. We’ll have to figure something else out.
Anyway, I think we learned a lot of things this week. The M is a bad date. John Early is your next favorite comedian. Judd Apatow doesn’t have to be afraid for his life at this year’s Academy Awards. And Jamie Lee? Not all of us. The next Circle Back will be arriving in the greatest month of the year. My Irish senses are tingling!
movie/tv rec: watch those John Early things
article rec: this one about my cousin Liam!
person who is not all of us rec: Jamie Lee Curtis
article header photo cred: Kathryn Wirsing for Esquire