i think i saw jesus the other day and by jesus i mean christ
i'm not even kidding i actually think jesus christ appeared unto me as a man working at Dun-Well Doughnuts
Now, I know you’re not gonna believe me, but it literally doesn’t matter. I know what I saw.
Jesus H. Christ (and what does the H stand for? i dunno ask Mark Twain) appeared unto me as a good-looking man who worked at Dun-Well Doughnuts in East Williamsburg. And I bet you’re wondering what day this was. That’s right; it was Good Friday. For my friends who did not grow up in a Catholic School, Good Friday is the day of Jesus’s alleged death. And I say alleged because he was at Dun-Well Doughnuts when he should’ve been at the club (hanging on the cross). I also say alleged because he allegedly rose from the dead today, Easter Sunday. But the continuity error here is important because he was fully at the donut store, which is also where I was also as well. Stay with me here.
On Friday (the Good one) we went to Dun-Well Doughnuts, a vegan donut (like am I supposed to keep spelling it as doughnut here because it’s exhausting and I don’t want to) shop in EaSt WiLLiAmSbUrG. When we walked inside, it was just us and the man behind the counter. He had hair that went close to his shoulder and a little bit of facial hair and this smile that I feel like I imagined whenever I had to read from the New Testament in high school. He looked like a stereotypical white Jesus.
When I got my donut, the guy asked my friend if she wanted one, and she said she wasn’t gonna get one. He gave her one, anyway, and said, “On the house.” My friend replied, “Aw, you’re the best.” to which he (He) replied, “God is the best; I’m a close second.” and then gave us a lil wink.
Now what in the hell does that mean? Can someone bring this man back down to Earth! People always love to bring up god in a conversation and talk about how god is good, but to add the “I’m a close second” is what baffles me. What a random thing to say. The only way that’s not random is if you literally are a close second because you literally are the son of god. After that, we walked outside, and a black squirrel walked over to us. I’ve never seen a black squirrel in New York — and it doesn’t matter if you have — but it says online that this is good luck. It also says that this is bad luck. And THEN we saw a church. Verrry abnormal thing to see. So that’s, like … the Holy Spirit of encounters. And on a weekend like such? That was Jesus H. Christ working at the Dun-Well Doughnuts (uggghhh that spelling is making me sleepy I’m so over it). No offense to people who love Jesus, but my friend and I are the last people to care about that little guy, so of course we’re the ones to receive this free donut encounter. Jesus, if you’re still here, I am asking for the keys to Dun-Well Doughnuts so that I can change the spelling from Doughnuts to Donuts and also finally achieve my dream of owning my own vegan donut shop. This has never been a dream of mine I don’t know why I’m lying to you all on Easter Sunday.
Speaking of ghosts (?), has anyone here ever had any ghost encounters? Let’s get into it.
Sometimes, I think my grandma is sitting at the end of my bed. WHOOAAA we’re already getting that real, huh? Anyway, I do think this. I’ll smell her perfume — which my mom and I have never been able to find — and I’ll wake up to the corner of my bed being lower at the end as if someone was sitting there for a bit (it’s a foam mattress). I don’t know; I think that’s kind of weird, right? Kind of something to think about? Something to ponder on?
One time at band camp (in college) I saw a lady in white in the mirror in my bathroom while I was in the shower and then when I went into the living room to tell my roommate my roommate interrupted me and accurately described the woman to me. So that’s another one that we could all question and ponder on and think about and even potentially spiral about.
Why have we decided that those are considered ghost stories but an alleged Jesus sighting or movement or whatever is a sign of god? Why wouldn’t my grandma sitting at the end of my bed be a sign of god? Or a woman in white harassing me in the shower? Why isn’t that a sign of god? Or a sign of the devil … It’s so funny that we all just make up rules all the time about what things mean. These things could mean nothing or they could mean everything. Negative things are always in god’s plan when there’s no reason to have to be taught a lesson through cancer or pain or sadness to understand god’s love for us. Was it god’s plan for my landlord to go to Puerto Rico for a week and let all our utilities turn off? Was it god’s plan for my friend to have a free donut, even though she didn’t want one in the first place? Is it god’s plan for me to go on Accutane at 18 and then get acne again at 27? The only god I need a sign from is the goddamn point! That’s hilarious … someone write that down.
So, what did we talk about today? Easter, Jesus H. Christ, ghosts, god, donut not doughnut, innocent until proven guilty, guilty until proven innocent (?), whose line is it anyway, new Beyoncé album, what else what else … I think that was it!
Here are some photos from Liam’s SOLD OUT show at Union Pool this past week:
Look at him go! Just singing away. Music is really something, huh. Great stuff.
I hope everyone is having a good Sunday — enjoy it however you can! See you next week, my luvs.
music rec: COWBOY CARTER BY BEYONCÉ — it’s a very long album so you won’t have time to watch a movie or read a book
person that is unnecessary to run into unless you want a free donut or for him to brag about being a close second: Jesus H. Christ