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i had a whole newsletter for all of you but there was a mouse in my house and i blacked out
i really have no other excuse it was completely the mouse's fault even though i saw it today and this newsletter was supposed to publish two days ago
Yeah, okay, I know it’s Tuesday. Please give me a break. I tried to get it out yesterday before my flight, but my computer died whilst I was writing it. Tim Cook hates my newsletter, obviously; I don’t know what else to tell you. I literally just preordered his dumb little new iPhone, so he needs to learn to be more respectful of my craft and my work and let my laptop live past its battery.
Do you guys know those little bags of pretzels that they give you on flights? I know you do. I love those little guys. Those pretzels are so good; there’s something about mini sizes of things that taste so much better sometimes. I feel this way about mini gummy bears, as well. The ones they’d give you at Coldstone Creamery — award-winning gummy bears in my book.
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I was getting ready to receive my mini pretzels, which always feels so awkward because you’re, like, listening to music or watching a movie, and then you see the flight attendant come by so you take your earbuds out and just kind of wait patiently to accept their offer of mini pretzels and a ginger ale but it feels like you got ready a little too early so now you’re just waiting.
I saw a man on the plane sitting one row ahead of me accept the free mini pretzels, and those pretzels ended up being the last ones they had. So the flight attendant came up to me as I looked up at him like this:
and he said, “Hi there, Kerry. I know that you absolutely love and would kill for those mini pretzels, but unfortunately, I just gave the last ones to the man wearing the SONY headphones while watching a documentary about the Kansas City Chiefs. I am so, so sorry!” And I was like, yeah, it’s ok, whatever, all good.
So I keep watching my little movie and listening to music, and my tummy is beginning to rumble. But that’s okay. I only ate a banana before it, and that’s on me. BUT THEN, toward the end of the flight, I look ahead at the man who received the last pretzels, and I watch him take out a family-sized bag of pretzels from his duffel. So now I’m pissed. I put a curse on his family for generations to come.
This past weekend, my childhood best friend, Mary got married. Hashtag Mary’s Married … perhaps an opportunity missed. Mary is my first friend from childhood to get married, which made it my first time being a bridesmaid and writing a bridesmaid speech. I had big shoes to fill for all bridesmaids ever in history — excuse me, in herstory. I, of course, wrote the speech the day of the rehearsal dinner because something in a past life has caused me to never be able to write things ahead of time — a good example of this is the fact that I’m writing this week’s Circle Back on Tuesday, September 19th, when it was due to be published on Sunday, September 17th.
Friends getting engaged and then married is a good example of me heading toward the more adult part of my life. It’s wild to me that being a child physically only lasts around 17 years and then you’re an adult for like 150 years after that. Like, why is that not more equal? Scientists who are subscribed to Circle Back: please respond. I know there are so many of you reading this. Why are we not children for 50 years and then adults for 50 years? It feels very sudden that I now pay rent and also had to buy a stand for my laptop five minutes ago because my back hurts when I’m writing emails. Those are two other good examples of being an adult.
Really quickly, I have to interrupt your scheduled programming because as I was writing this I saw a mouse in my apartment. And it knew I was here. And it sprinted around the room. I’m literally a goner. This may be my last Circle Back. I have truly forgotten everything I was going to talk about. This mouse is ruining my life.
I don’t look like an adult. I look very young. I know this. When I saw people I knew growing up at this wedding, the first thing they said to me was, “Why haven’t you aged?” So why am I doing adult things if I still look like a child?
Chase knows something I don’t.
I don’t remember having to deal with mice in my hice when I was a child, so maybe that’s an adult thing, too. This is so annoying. GET A JOB.
I’m not even kidding; I completely forgot what else I was gonna talk about because of this dumb rodent, so we’re gonna have to cut Circle Back short this week. I apologize for the inconvenience. I promise to make up for it. If anyone is trained in telling a mouse to get out of my house, my guest room is open for your trip here.
Mary and I met two weeks into Kindergarten, and she was wearing Dorothy’s outfit from The Wizard of Oz and was holding a picnic basket with a fake Toto in it (obviously not the real one that would be silly haha), and that was exciting to me because I had just watched The Wizard of Oz for the first time. We became friends right away.
movie rec: Theater Camp (2023) — if you went to theater camp or know someone who did, do yourself a favor and watch this
podcast rec: Ride with Benito Skinner and Mary Beth Barone — it’s a laugh-out-louder
newsletter to read: mine … what the hell
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