have u been holding space for Circle Back ?

don't lie to me i'll know

Dec 02, 2024

Hello!!!!!!!!!

I am SO sorry for the two-month delay, everyone — I was in a meeting. It was an all-hands meeting. It was an “Everyone, grab your weapons; we’re having an office meeting for Circle Back for two months.” And let me just say that we learned a lot in this meeting. We learned that I needed to fire all of my ghostwriters — Sally, Joan, Margaret, Joyce, Zadie … they’re dead to me. We learned that you will get the ick reading your writing the same way actors can’t watch themselves act, and it will make you feel like you need to stop writing altogether; it will make you feel like you should’ve Never started this newsletter in the first place. Don’t worry — I don’t feel this way, but my recently fired ghostwriters do.

But here’s the thing: I started Circle Back for myself. I moved to New York, and I knew I wouldn’t get a writing job immediately, so I started this to make sure my $100,000 writing degree didn’t go to waste (it did — sorry, mom????). I didn’t create it for others, but now it is for others just as much as it is for moi. I love that, and I’m okay with that, and I want that, and I’ve always said that.

So I’m BACK, and I’m better than ever (just jinxed it, unfortunately). I have new ghostwriters, and they’re fine with being paid in experience. I’ve been traveling for the last six months, returning to New York every now and again, and now I’m finally on my way to looking for a new apartment in a brand new part of Brooklyn — East Williamsburg instead of Bushwick haha I’m kidding my salary would never allow it. You’d think not having an apartment for almost six months would mean that I saved millions and millions of dollars, but a girl just wants to have fun. A girl just wants to go to Paris and Dublin and New Orleans and Kansas City and Chicago and Portland and all over the East Coast and

I’m already not enjoying how much my new ghostwriter is exposing me, so we may need to have another two-month meeting.

Thank you, everyone, for not unsubscribing during this hiatus — your free support means the absolutely world 2 me. Today’s Circle Back won’t be anything crazy since it’s just returning, so let’s just hit the highlights of the past two months:

I went to New Orleans and did a ghost tour, and that’s all I’ll say about that
- was a groomsmen in a wedding
it was So Hot out i was dripping in my suit men have it so hard and i’ve always said that
The Democratic Party sent emails like this:

And a personal favorite:

Duolingo thinks I will be saying things like this in French:

I dressed up as Fred Armisen in Broad City for Halloween
did not win any contests
There’s a new generation on TikTok, and I know this because of a trending question I saw:

I’ve seen slang that I don’t understand or know, which does show that I’m getting older — example here:

I googled “What does skibidi rizz mean?” and that was my result.

But it only began to hurt when I found out the children don’t know what “TBT” means. This is a world under Project 2025, you monsters.

Okay, what else, what else…

Mamala lost, and Trump most likely doesn’t even know that he won.
- Maya Rudolph is out of a job, and Alec Baldwin is hoping and praying for a call. He will not be getting one.
Trump adopted Elon Musk because he does not like that he has to strain his neck and look up when speaking to Barron; it smears the spray tan and risks a falling toupée — sad!!!
RFK Jr. was appointed to lead the Department of Health and Human Services, which is a huge step in the right direction — and by right I mean rite as in Last Rites as in we’re all gonna die.
Wicked and Gladiator 2 released in theaters — my mom went to see Wicked and thought it was long and pretty boring. I’m not going to make a joke about why it would be boring for her. I’m not gonna do it.
- People are holding space for Defying Gravity, which could mean absolutely anything. The true story behind that is an interviewer told Ariana Grande and Cynthia Erivo that fans were holding space for Defying Gravity, and all three of them got emotional about it as if Idina Menzel had died. She didn’t, and this could mean anything. The memes are constant, girls.
Liam Payne died … no jokes about this it’s just a very shocking piece of news, especially to the girls from my freshmen Biology class at Trinity High School in River Forest, Illinois. The One Direction fandom was so wild that the girls in that class wouldn’t allow me to use the word “direction” without their permission. Sometimes, the word “direction” needs to be used in a Biology class, Maddie! Maybe do your chapter reading homework before coming at me for knowing my vocabulary, sister! Sorry that I was still in my Twilight era while you were apparently raising five 16-year-old boys to become the most famous boyband in herstory! The glares I received when I said the Word That Must Not Be Said whilst reading aloud from the literal textbook, my goodness. Honestly, I can’t imagine what Maddie is going through with the news of his death so sorry Maddie god bless.
I stopped being vegan don’t ask me any questions about it I swear to god my lawyers will be at your doorstep in minutes

I think that’s pretty much it for now. Obviously, there were a lot more Cabinet appointments that we aren’t fans of whatsoever, but I’m sure you’re all getting tons of News app notifications about them daily. How cool would it be if I just updated you all constantly with what I believe to be news? Like, I am always blowing up your phones with (a bomb) headlines that say BREAKING NEWS: I ate regular yogurt for the first time in seven years and did not get sick.

BREAKING NEWS: my mom FaceTimed me at 7:59 am, even though my alarm is at 8 am, and she was offended that I answered her with a tired face instead of an excited and awake one.

THIS JUST IN: no one is free to hang out and I’m taking it personally.

TOP STORY: I got vertigo the other night and won’t stop talking about it!

Yeah, so if you guys want me to figure out how to get those updates to your phones at any time of the day, I will hire someone (unpaid intern paid with experience) to do that.

Thanks for being here!!!!!

Talk soon,

Best,

All the best,

God bless,

movie rec: Sweethearts (2024) — Caleb Hearon professional scene-stealer

book rec: the Bible (I’m reading How to Write an Autobiographical Novel by Alexander Chee will update everyone soon)

music rec: just went on tour with Finom again, and their songs get better every time I listen!!!! go listen, friends and enemies

something to hold space for: Circle Back