Dwayne Johnson has made his rap debut, and so have I

I unwrapped so many pots and pans today for my new apartment! History in the making.

I’m writing this week’s newsletter very last minute because I’ve been in the process of moving into my Bushwick apartment, and I’ve also just been staring at my screen a lot trying to figure out how I’m going to afford to buy furniture to put in my Bushwick apartment, which is in Bushwick. All of my belongings are still in a storage unit in Chicago, so right now my room is my air mattress, my bag of clothes, and me. Some (older people) may say that’s the way you’re supposed to start off in New York; others (myself) say that this is stupid and I want a real bed and I also want my things in my storage unit in Chicago. And also it’s really hard to live without my coffee grinder that is also in that very same storage unit in Chicago. No, I will not go buy a new one.

I haven’t been very aware of what’s been trending this week because of moving and such, so I just went to Twitter to find out what the Heck has been blowing up everyone’s feeds. This is what I found:

I did not click the link because I don’t want to know anything else about this. I just want to know when people are debuting and that’s it.

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It’s really annoying having to buy furniture when you don’t have any money. I thought IKEA was supposed to be cheap???? If you’re reading this and you’re thinking, IKEA is cheap, I don’t need your thoughts. Yes, IKEA is cheap when compared to Pottery Barn, but every nice-looking couch I’ve got my eyes on is over $600. If you’re thinking, Kerry, you need to stop being stubborn and just get a cheaper, uglier couch, you can see yourself out. Once I’m able to add art to my walls and books to my shelves, things will begin to make more sense. Soon, it’ll feel like a real home. I’m gonna need my stuff soon, though, or else I will, in fact, freak out.

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I’m so annoyed by this, and it seems so minuscule compared to other scenarios and experiences women and nonbinary people have gone through, but I’ve been having some bad dreams ever since getting followed a couple of weeks ago. It is so absurd that something that little can ruin how you feel about being by yourself. It can make a person who was once so brave and confident in their ability to walk around alone at night turn into a person who is about to waste their rent money on Ubers whenever the sun starts to set. I won’t be doing that, but since this happened, I wish I would. It’s so unfair being a woman. I think the only way to solve this is by becoming a bodybuilder. The muscles will be too big for my body, and so I’ll have to walk on all fours because I can’t hold my arms up. Then people will think I’m a dog or something, and they’ll leave me alone. Ugh, but then I’ll have animal control on my ass, and I haven’t thought through how I’m going to deal with that, yet.

Getting back to my apartment. I’m trying to decide what I want on my bedroom walls: nice art or Tiger Beat circa 2010 posters? Or is that the same thing? I heard that a new Justin Bieber documentary or something was just released, so it could be time to go back to that phase. Or do I go through a tapestry phase? Or do I just go through a Tapestry by Carole King phase and play that record all year long? I asked my mom if she could ship me a few boxes of warm clothes and necessities so that I didn’t have to worry about that while I’m figuring out how I’m getting the rest of my things, and she said, “Yes, I’ll put some jeans and your high school photo albums in a box.” Okay, so a pair of jeans and two large books full of photos of me with braces and those bars that some people who have dumb teeth need (not me) that always detach whenever I yawn (ok yes it was me). How did we misunderstand each other this dramatically? Thank you, Mom; I appreciate your thought process.

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A couple of observations I made this week:

· the cat I kept staring at and saying “hi lil kitty!” to on the doorstep as I was cleaning my glasses was a rat.

· my air mattress is always going to deflate, no matter how many pieces of tape I use to cover the holes.

· it is okay to watch Sex Education with your aunt on a Friday night.

· if a man ever comes up to me asks me if I want to play a game and then I play the game and then when the game is finished he gives me a card with a phone number on it and then I call the number and then I wake up the next day in a warehouse in a teal-blue jumpsuit and I play Red Light, Green Light and a large, scary doll turns its head around 180 degrees like an owl and senses that I’m moving when it says “red light” and then it shoots me, I just won’t say yes to playing that first game next time.

Speaking of Squid Game, can you even believe you got through that entire show? I can.

I don’t really have a lot to talk about this week, Like I said, that Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson news was more than I can handle, and I’ve been busy making lists of things to buy for my Bushwick apartment that’s in Bushwick and then not buying any of them. If anyone wants to send me a housewarming gift, like a book or a Clif bar, be my guest. I went to a natural food store today because it was the only one near me, and I bought a jar of peanut butter, bananas, apples, bread, and coffee beans — and apparently and illegally, that was $40, so I won’t be buying anything else for the week. Clif bars are welcome(d). Is it welcome or welcomed in that sentence? Let me know, but don’t yell at me about it. Thanks for reading!

Once again, in the words of Cher:

Oh, my God, sorry that’s the wrong one again:

~ music I’m listening to this week: Lala Lala’s new record I Want The Door To Open ~