do you ever just ... ya know ... get hit by a car ... ?

this is a more relatable experience than one may think

“Why do these things always happen to you?” my friend, Owen, said on the phone.

“My life is a movie and not a good one.”

“Your life is a thriller.”

Just to preface this: everyone is fine, except for a stroller. A stroller has been broken. Today, I was babysitting in Clinton Hill. We played at the park, rode a swing, rode another swing, tried to ride the swing that looked like a dragon but it was scary and we freaked out so we went back to a regular baby swing. Then, we got back in the stroller and began our journey home.

Clinton Hill is young parents and toddlers central; they’re all over the place, and they’re all graphic designers and producers and tech people, including the children. The children own stock. It’s a neighborhood with signs everywhere telling you to yield for kids — the “Keep Kids Alive Drive 25” types of signs. BUT IT DOESN’T MATTER. You could be strolling across the street with a stroller and a child and your walk sign on, and a car will still drive up from behind you and turn onto you and break the stroller. Moms gaining super strength in times of need is so real; I pulled that stroller away so hard, and it still ran over the wheel. Again, no child or taller child (me) was harmed, but I can’t wait for the security footage from the Pratt University building in front of us to show how friggin chill I was. Like I was soooo chill. I mean, I was shaking. But when the guy got out of the car and said “I’m sorry I didn’t see you I wasn’t looking,” I replied, “Yeah, obviously.” SICK response. After I checked on the trooper (the child) and made sure he was unharmed and completely fine, I said to the guy, “You broke the stroller, dude.” Like, DUDE? I don’t even say “dude.” I’m telling you I was so cool.

And then he goes, “I’ll pay for the stroller. How much was it?” And then I said — and you’ll see me throw my hands in the air and then cross them on the security footage — “I mean, strollers are expensive.” Ugh, I wish I knew the camera was there so I could’ve had a “look to the audience” moment. I’m kidding this is serious, you guys. Stop messing around. He gave me $150 and then asked if the kiddo was alright and then he left. And then several people who saw it all took turns coming up to us to make sure we were alright. When he asked how much the stroller was, and I told him it was super expensive because Strollers Are Expensive, he huffed and sighed and rolled his eyes a little. Oh, I’m sorry! I meant to say it was free! Everything’s free :)

If there’s anything I could teach all of you, it’s this: ALWAYS PAY ATTENTION BECAUSE PEOPLE WILL HIT YOU. There’s no prettier way to say that. It’s as poetic as it gets. APABPWHY. Always Pay Attention Because People Will Hit You. And that doesn’t just go for cars; it could be punches. Pay attention, or else you’ll get punched. Unfortunately, that’s another thing we look out for in New York City. What else, what else? Pay attention, or else you’ll get hit with bird poop. Not as dangerous. Sort of lucky. Pay attention, or else you’ll accidentally walk into Bushwick on a hot summer day and get hit with some of the worst smells you’ve ever smelt. PAY ATTENTION OR ELSE YOU’LL ACCIDENTALLY MAKE EYE CONTACT WITH THIS PERSON:

And you get dirty looks from them because of it, so you have to walk behind them so you don’t feel like you’re being followed. Just always pay attention.

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Anyway, before that happened, I was gonna talk about TV shows and all of the ones on the general bucket list of shows everyone needs to watch. Really exciting topic. I just finished Sex and the City, so I can now add it to what I’ve gotten through so far:

• The West Wing - best show about the White House and what goes on inside

• Buffy the Vampire Slayer - you can learn anything about life from this show

• Mad Men - hot

• The Sopranos - gabbagool

• Girls - unfortunately very relatable

• Sex and the City - fortunately very relatable

• VEEP - best show about the White House and what goes on inside

• Fleabag - i mean, it’s a hit

• Derry Girls (my personal opinion) - it’s a feckin HIT

• The Office - very good but can never watch it again it’s on too much

• Parks and Recreation - don’t act like this isn’t a good show

• Arrested Development - I mean, it’s one banana, Michael. What could it cost? 10 dollars?

• Parenthood - :)

What else, what else … me bragging about how much TV I’ve watched is not feeling as braggy as I thought it would. But these are the shows on the list of Best Shows of All Time that I’ve seen all the way through, and it feels like I’ve made more progress here than the United States has with forcing a permanent ceasefire in Rafah. Yes, this is a good comparison because it’s so embarrassing how many shows I’ve watched and just as, if not more, embarrassing how little effort the U.S. has made to even pretend to look like the good guy. But all these shows? Great. They’re all great. Buffy the Vampire Slayer is a damn hit and deserves to be on this list.

I watched a lot of Sex and the City in high school, but watching it from beginning to end in my late 20s in New York is very different — same with Girls. After watching SATC here, my style is changing, my perspectives are changing, my scream is changing:

While many lines and situations in the show are problematic in this day and age, the show holds the hell up. It will be watched again … in three to five business months.

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Yesterday was the Jupiter Cazimi, which apparently means that it was the luckiest day of the year. The word “Cazimi” means “into the heart of the Sun.” When that happens, the planets meet the Sun, and the Sun magnifies the energy of that specific planet and beams it down to us.

Jupiter is known as the planet of good luck, abundance, good fortune, and a planet of miracles. Basically, we were all supposed to run around outside all day and manifest our dreams. And even if you don’t believe in that, I do, so I ran around outside all day and manifested my dreams.

Even though it rained for most of the day, I went to Central Park with an umbrella and wrote my manifestations down on a piece of paper as I sat on a dry rock and covered myself from the rain. As I sat there, a cardinal flew above my head and sat there for some time. Cardinals are known for being our connection to someone looking over us — someone from the past who is no longer with us. My mom and I always say it’s my grandma when this happens, so that’s LUCKY. Also, I had a very cute outfit on yesterday. I was wearing these jorts (jean shorts) that I just bought that fit me really well, as well as a cropped lil red shirt and some cowboy boots. My brother hates jorts, so when I FaceTimed him earlier that day and asked if he thought my outfit was cool, he said, “Now, see, you’re forgetting to change out of the jorts.” My brother’s lucky, yesterday, was with him because he was LUCKY I wasn’t physically in the room with him after that comment.

Then, as I wrote and sat on the rock and hid under my umbrella, I started noticing a few tourists taking photos of me. It didn’t make sense at first, but then I recognized how adorable the scene was of me in my lil cowboy boots and umbrella sitting on the one dry rock in Central Park. And then as the photos were taken, I saw some girls rolling their eyes and giving looks at me. The Judgement?! Like, so sorry for being adorable and beautiful and photogenic. Like it’s my fault. LUCKY dirty looks from them to me.

So if you noticed any lucky things happen yesterday or today — for example: not getting injured by a car and only having the stroller break — that’s allegedly the doing of the Jupiter Cazimi. So let us thank that big ass planet for allowing us all to sit here reading Circle Back knowing that there’s not a single bruise on my body … well, from a car. I fell off my bed last night. There are visible bruises from that.

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A P A B P W H Y <3

^ should we all get this as a tattoo? No? I’ll let you ponder on it. There’s no need to answer so quickly.

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tv show rec: Sex and the City, honey

music rec: Norman Fucking Rockwell! by Lana del Rey

person to daydream about because he owns all these dogs and I confirmed that they were all his:

I need more information on this man’s life.