can someone catch me up on what i missed in the new episode of cspan i'm so behind
this whole time i've been calling kevin mccarthy kevin mccallister and was sure that people just forgot him at home since it took him 15 rounds of voting to win speaker of the house
Here’s what you missed on VEEP:
We have a new Speaker of the House! Kevin McCarthy! And he sucks! And it took him 15 rounds of voting to win it! So! It feels like! Maybe no one! Wants him! To be! The Speaker!
And Matt Gaetz, the district attorney of Whoville (pictured below),
said he was gonna resign if a moderate Republican was elected, and lemme tell ya: Matt Gaetz, district attorney of Whoville, was not happy about Kevin McCarthy getting the votes. So I’m guessing Matt Gaetz thinks a moderate Republican must be someone who’s anti-gay marriage, anti-abortion, anti-climate change, anti-Whoville (Gaetz’s main issue), and anti-immigrants because that is exactly what Kevin McCarthy stands for. Way too moderate, in my opinion.
But it’s not just this scene that made the new episode of VEEP so appetizing. It was also things like this:
Ok, this had to do with Gaetz, as well, but I don’t understand why he needed to be held back. Just let him have the heart attack and learn from his actions. At least grab him by the wig! It looks like they’re about to chloroform him. And then also this:
I’m sorry, I get why people are loving this and having Katie Porter trend on the Twitter, but this is so annoying. We get it! You’re not happy that the Speaker is gonna be a Republican! But are you really gonna say that Nancy Pelosi was quite the Democrat? Are any of you quite the Democrats? Aren’t Democrats supposed to be inclusive of everyone? And show Republican voters that some Democratic ideals are actually good for them? Seeing a photo like that doesn’t make me feel good about the Democrats, either. Also, Katie Porter: if you wanna make a bigger statement, MAYBE DON’T WEAR A SHIRT THAT’S THE SAME COLOR AS THE BOOK YOU’RE SHOWING OFF. I CAN’T EVEN SEE IT.
Here’s a photo of Marjorie Taylor Greene on the phone with DT, which stands for Dunk Tank. There’s no way Donald Trump is answering her calls. His fingers are too slimy to answer her calls. If I had Donald Trump’s phone number in my contacts (WHICH I DON’T), I would want it to say “Donald Trump.” Why would you want it to say “DT?” If I had Meryl Streep’s number in my phone, do you think it’d say “MS?” Muscular Dystrophy? Come on, Marjorie. Marjorie is Jonah Ryan in VEEP pretending he talk to the President on his personal cell phone. Oh, my god. Jonah Ryan is Marjorie Taylor Greene. This is VEEP without the HBO subscription. Enjoy it whilst it lasts, folks.
Okay, enough about those idiots. Time to address a different idiot. An idiot named Harry Royal Family Guy. What’s Prince Harry’s last name? I don’t care. Prince Harry’s book just released, and all I have to say is one thing: we should all know way less about each other. Harry admitting he did cocaine when he was 17 makes me go, “ok.” And Harry telling us he had frostbite on his penis at his brother’s wedding makes me go, “why do we need this information?” Harry claiming he killed 25 Taliban members in Afghanistan makes me go, “so then why are we talking about his frostbitten penis at his brother’s wedding?” And then Harry saying that he still believes in the monarchy makes me go, “ok moving on!” Diana should’ve left earlier when she had the chance!
I can’t get into the Royal Family drama. Of course, I understand how fucked up it is that the Royal Family is racist and treats Meghan Markle horribly, but they’re all famous people who don’t pay taxes! Get over yourselves! ~@~ the Queen (rest in pieces): get a job! Y’all are so annoying! Don’t you get that we’re all out here trying to make a living, and you’re all in there overbreeding corgis? It has to end. They don’t deserve it. Meghan Markle, you just need to go back to Suits and then some other TNT or whatever network show after that. That was fine. What kind of friend sets you up on a blind date with the Prince of England? That’s a fucked up friend. That is literally a bonkers thing to do. And where would you have met him for the blind date? Buckingham Palace? Absolute nonsense. All we need to continue talking about, dealing with the Royal Family, is that all the men go bald when they’re 19 because they’re inbred. That is the most exciting thing about them. Hundreds of years of inbreeding. And now they do it to the corgis.
Now that we’ve had one week of 2023, how are we all feeling about the year? Do we think it’s gonna go well, or do we feel like everything is already so chaotic and overwhelming and that even though we’re drinking more water this week than we did in the last year we’re still somehow dehydrated? Do we all feel like we’ve been sitting in a jacuzzi for two hours and have the worst headache ever? Or do we feel icy cold like 5 Gum and can’t wait for each week ahead? It’s so hard to tell which way I’m leaning. I won’t lie: I’m already feeling overwhelmed, but I also applied to some jobs that I feel like could maybe get a response for the first time since I moved to New York. And I also feel like maybe the movie M3GAN is gonna be good. I feel a lot of things right now.
I went to see Decision to Leave this past week, written and directed by Park Chan-wook. This movie was great. While I’m not super into movies that are longer than two hours, I couldn’t take my eyes off the screen not ONCE. The Hitchcock influence, the funny side characters, and the gorgeous shots in every scene make this movie a fiver on my Letterboxd account. Well, I gave it a 4.5 because I can’t give a movie longer than two hours a perfect rating. It’s too long. So I will not be seeing the new Avatar movie. But I will see AvaTAR again. Just kidding. Also too long. and Not a good joke.
Decision to Leave told the story of a detective who befriends the widow of a potential murder victim who discovers that he may be getting bamboozled the entire investigation. Throughout the gorgeous shots of outdoor landscapes and indoor kitchens, we watch a relationship blossom and then wilt in a matter of two-and-a-half hours. It’s so good. And even though award shows are silly, I hope it gets some good noms.
Other than that movie, the newest thing I’ve been watching is something that is not so new. That’s right, men. I’ve been watching Mad Men. And I can’t stop. This show has it all: men who are mad, Elisabeth Moss, that guy from Bridesmaids (Jon Hamm), herbal cigarettes, lots of fake wood walls, and ads — in the show and during commercial breaks. It’s amazing. I’m on season three. There is so much ahead of me. And so many guest stars. It’s a perfect drama.
Lastly (because I was listing each paragraph to begin with, I guess), I’m reaching out to everyone here to see if anyone is interested or knows anyone who is interested in moving to Brooklyn in March or April. I have a room opening that needs to be filled or else I’ll die. And do we want that? Do not answer that. But answer the first part because I need a roomie! And it better be good. No funny business. No serious business, either. I get enough of that watching Mad Men.
Have a good week, everyone! Aubrey Plaza is hosting Saturday Night Live on January 21st. I’m not saying I’m gonna pursue it, but I’m also not saying that I won’t be sleeping on 49th St. for the second time. Just something for everyone to think about.
movie rec: Get Out (2017) — rewatched it and it’s still very good; Allison Williams has quite the big but little career
book rec: The Cost of Living by Deborah Levy
music rec: the Low album by David Bowie — happy birthday David Bowie!
roommate rec: I dunno! You tell me!