anything stupid happen in the news this week?

not as stupid as a submersible imploding but maybe like taking away rights stupid?

Kerry Cunningham

Jul 2, 2023

Does anyone know if the Supreme Court voted to ruin our lives this week?

I didn’t realize that finding out this country is continuing to fuck people over meant that I still had to go to my retail job and sell bags every day! Kinda thought that maybe a mental health day week month year would be in the cards there.

But let’s think about this for a second. There has to be a way around all of this, right? There’s always a flaw in the system. Like, for example, if we all became asshole members of the Supreme Court or married into their families, or decided that we could also make decisions that ruin people’s lives, would we no longer have to pay student loans? Can we also discriminate against people in any way we want because the Supreme Court says we can? Example: if Fafsa is gay, can I refuse to pay those student loans? We’re gonna need some specifics, Clarence. Basically, I think that’s true, and no, I will not research that any further.

If there’s anything that I feel I should be able to make a decision about while our country continues to fail us, it’s that we shouldn’t still be bowing down to capitalism and having to go to work each day for little pay because it’s definitely not gonna help us pay those loans. We need a new rule in government, once you’re 65 years old, you are out of office. You’re too old. You should not be there anymore. If that’s supposed to be the retirement age, then that means YOU RETIRE. I bet that if we followed this and people stopped being in government by that age, we would be able to comfortably get people that retirement.

Also, this Supreme Court ruling was based on a fake situation! Some lady lied about turning down a gay couple for her wedding planning business, and it went all the way to the highest court. We can really make up just about anything and have it voted on. What else could we get up there, do you think?

if you bowl a gutter ball twice in a row, you have to become one of the pins
if someone makes a joke and no one laughs, they’re instantly sent to Rikers
if you make over $100,000, you aren’t allowed to use the electric Citi bikes
if you have a punchable face, you can’t be on the Supreme Court (examples: Thomas, Gorsuch, Kavanaugh, and Barrett)
I should be allowed to blame my mom when I have a hangover and she didn’t call me the night before to tell me to drink more water

We could probably get all of these passed. It seems like it’s pretty easy to get stupid shit approved. Wait. There may be a way to trick them. What if we start talking about student loans and people who aren’t in the LGBT community differently?

“Ugh, student loans are so ugly! Too many numbers. I hear they’re only here because they think Brett Kavanaugh doesn’t know how to read and, therefore, won’t look at the documents that are requesting to get rid of them. Ha ha, Brett, you can’t read!”

“I hear that straight people are plotting to kill Amy Coney Barrett.”

“Neil Gorsuch is so ‘girl wearing a skirt as a top.’”

Anyway, these are just some ideas of mine. I’m sure there are some better ones. Maybe.

The world is so exhausting all the time. The AQI in New York has given me a days-long headache. Hillary Clinton won’t stop tweeting about “But Her Emails” merch. What is the world coming to? Imagine what the United States would be like if I didn’t always have a headache. People would be able to retire at 27. None of my jokes would ever fall flat. Turning on your air conditioner would not raise the electric bill. Just wait, friends. When there’s finally a day that I don’t have a headache, we’re all gonna find a penny on the ground at the exact same time. And that’ll just be the start of a soon-to-be very lucky world.

Summer in New York is already off to a start. Notice how I didn’t say a great start. There was no reason for that I just don’t want to immediately see the summer as a half-full glass because it can’t stay half-full for a long time. The glass will be half-full in mid-July. But yes, the summer is off to a start, and the city is packed. The tourists are on vacation, the bars are sweaty, and the drinks are watered down! The sky is smokey and killing us very slowly, and the purifiers are double the price! The concerts are fun, and the girlies are dehydrated. The ground is melting, and so am I. But no matter what, we’re having fun. We’re watching The Bear, we’re seeing Jeff Tweedy at Brooklyn Made, and we’ve preordered our tickets to Barbie. And specific to me (and maybe you), we’re buying grapes a lot. I’ve been eating a ton of grapes. I’ve hit every bodega in North Brooklyn looking for grapes. And I’ve been eating almost all of the ones I buy. Not the smushed ones. Those can ruin a day.

BUT THE POINT IS we’re having fun. Hopefully. Lorde knows we need it. And we may have headaches and long-term covid effects, but we’re also rollerblading our little hearts out and having a little treat at least once a day. I hope you all get to do that this summer. Otherwise, you will melt. I think it’s gonna be a spicy one.

As I’ve said, I do have a headache, so I won’t do too much with Circle Back this week. To my friends and enemies: have a good long weekend.

movie rec: The Apartment (1960) — saw this for the first time this week and it felt like watching a Shakespeare original but for romcoms

tv show rec: The Bear whatever shut up

music rec: Donna Summer — whatever ur lil heart desires but make it Donna Summer