It wasn’t my PLAN to talk about Whoopi Goldberg in this week’s newsletter, but is it ever anyone’s plan to talk about Whoopi Goldberg? Actually, yes, that is usually my plan. Unfortunately, we will be discussing the ~mistakes~ of Whoopi Goldberg, who will now have to be known as Whoopsie Goldberg for an unknown duration of time. The Board of Cancel Culture did not inform me on how long her cancellation is going to last, so I don’t have an end date to give any of you.
I’m sure that at this point we are all aware of Whoopi’s (formally known as Caryn Elaine Johnson … CARYN? LIKE KAREN? i guess u can never hide from ur true calling) remarks on The View about the Holocaust and what it REALLY was about, but I’m here to remind you of them, anyway:
During a convo about a Tennessee school board banning the Pulitzer prize-winning Holocaust graphic novel Maus, Whoopi said that the Holocaust was not about race and is actually about “man’s inhumanity to man” because it’s two white groups of people. “It’s about how people treat each other,” Whoopsie said. Now, if I remember correctly from my time in World War II, Hitler did be callin the Jews a race and not a religious community. In fact, I believe he literally described the presence of Jews as a “race-tuberculosis of the peoples.” And I think he wanted the ultimate goal to be “the removal of the Jews altogether.” Now, I’m not a very smart girly, so it could just be the way I’m interpreting it, but “race-tuberculosis of the peoples” sounds like Hitler thought the Jews were gonna give us all tuberculosis. And to me, that sounds, like, super racist? But again, I wasn’t there the day Hitler said that. But then again, neither was Whoopi Goldberg. Hmm, Goldberg. Interesting.
Whoopsie did apologize:
And she did get suspended from The View, which does kind of bother me a little — not because I don’t agree with that choice, but more because Meghan McCain said a lot of ignorant shit on that show, and I don’t think there were any consequences (I could be wrong about that I do not watch The View unless it’s trending for example I will watch it when someone says that the Holocaust is not about race but I’m sure that no one on the show will ever say that especially not my queen Whoopi Goldberg).
I do think I see what she was trying to say, and — if she had done her research prior to this lil convo — she would’ve said it better. People love to compare racist events and racist experiences, and I’m sure she was annoyed that people were comparing racism towards Jews to racism towards people of color. I have never experienced racism (and I never will), and even lil old white girly me knows that it’s not necessary to compare types of racism. Doing that belittles the actual issues and experiences of the people being discriminated against. I guess another way to explain this is like when someone tells you that they’re having a hard time or a rough year and you respond by saying that you’re also having a hard time or a rough year. That immediately shuts that person down! And also, if that’s how you respond to someone trying to confide in you, you’re probably not having as hard of a time. Both people can be having a hard time; it’s not a competition.
I don’t know if that was a good way to explain that, but it doesn’t matter because it’s not a hard thing to understand in the first place. ANYWAY WHOOPI PLEASE JUST THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK OR KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT PEOPLE LOVE TO CANCEL A QUEEN LET ALONE A SINGING NUN.
Earlier, when I said the thing about Whoopi’s name being Karen, I tried to look up what the “Karen haircut” is called because I was gonna try to make a joke about it. Anyway, the joke is no longer available in my brain, BUT I did see this very important question in the frequently asked Google questions:
This, my friends, is comedy. I’m having such a hard time preventing myself (again!) from getting a haircut with a long front and short back, enhanced with contrasting highlights!!! But someone told me that the only way I can speak to a manager is if I have this haircut, and I love speaking to managers. Oh, well! Third time’s the charm!
Alright, everyone. I’m not gonna talk about Whoopi the whole time. I would never do that to you. Unless? No, I’m kidding. I’ll stop. Or?
The other day, my mom FaceTimed me and showed me my lil baby angel face cutie girly senior citizen black cat Lucky. I will show you what she looks like, but please brace yourselves because she is adorable:
I know, right? Anyway, my mom says on the FaceTime that Lucky is being so stubborn and biting her and not standing down until she gets what she wants. And I just keep thinking about the fact like Lucky is like 100-years-old now, and that’s ALL she’s doing? Just wait till she loses her mind and starts saying a lot of racist shit. When Lucky starts talking about her days fighting in Normandy and says that the Holocaust was not about race, that’s when we should be worried.
The last thing we will all discuss as a family this week is the Joe Rogan thing. Yes, yes, I know, who cares? But I don’t actually want to talk about the Joe Rogan thing. I wanna talk about the support that shitty and abusive comedians get from people! Spotify sneakily (but not sneakily enough, you fools!) removed, like, over 70 episodes of Joe Rogan’s podcasts because of racial slurs and racist comments and also racism, and there are people out there (friends and fans) vouching for him saying that they had really good experiences with him and that he’s a good guy and people shouldn’t be defined by their racism and that if anything they should be defined by their careers on Fear Factor because I for one would be embarrassed to put that on my resume. But yeah, people are trying to support him, even though he got himself into this lil mess all on his own. And it makes me think about how often this happens. When we all publicly found out about Louis CK, other comedians stood up for him and tried to help him continue his onstage career because he was their friend. I don’t understand that! Just because they didn’t say or do these horrible things to you, it didn’t happen? Show us the receipts! That makes no sense to me. I wonder if it’s because it makes the friends who stood up for them feel like they’re just as bad for not figuring it out before Twitter did. I don’t know. And then comedians respond by saying it’s their job to say things that make people uncomfortable. Maybe it is, but if the comedian you’re defending has around 100 podcasts with racial slurs in them, I think maybe they’re just not a very good comedian. Also, I disagree that their whole ~thang~ is to say things that make people uncomfortable in a funny way. Comedians have one job and one job only: to ask you how long you and your boyfriend have been together since you were both placed in the front row at a stand-up set. And then you have to say that this isn’t your boyfriend; it’s your son. And then you’ve made the comedian’s entire five-minute stand-up set. This did not happen to me because I do not knowingly have children. But this has happened at more than 11 of the stand-up shows I’ve been to. It’s always a parent and child. It’s actually getting out of hand. I think it’s time we cancel parents and children going to stand-up shows.
Okay, tough crowd tonight! That’s a comedian joke. I’m gonna end the ol newsletter with a few pics!
If there’s one thing we’ve learned today, it’s that we should all think before we speak. If there’s another thing we’ve learned today, it’s that it’s extremely difficult to stop getting a Karen haircut. Bye, for now!